Of Bars, Booze, and Bartending - Proving "Coughlin's Law" Invalid Since Feb '05

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Xavier Madness

Well, that was fun!

I'm sure I'll earn the wrath of Bearcat fans by saying that I find it immensly satisfying to see Bob Huggins beaten, in dramatic fashion, by a local team. Not that he out-coached Coach K of Duke; you've got to give that victory to his players.

Thing is... I'm not a Huggins fan. Maybe that's because I was one of his favorite go-to late-night bartenders for so many years.

And that's really all I should say about that before I get myself into a local pot of boiling water.

C'mon, Xavier!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Starbucks Ordered to Pay $100 Million in Back Tips

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Oh, noes!!

Starbucks ordered to pay back tips

I owe a really long post about how much pool houses suck, and how much it sucks that salaried employees collect tips like they're a Soprano, but for now, a toast to the Baristas.

Now she's gone
And I'm back on the beat
A stain on my notebook
Says nothing to me
Now she's gone
And I'm out with a friend
With lips full of passion
And coffee in bed

- Squeeze, "Black Coffee In Bed"

Monday, March 10, 2008

Maureen Dowd gives me inappropriate visuals

The inimitable blogger Molly Ivors covers Dowd territory far better than anyone, but please indulge me this turn at the Dowd Piñata:

The Monster Mash
"I was covered..." "I was splattered..." "I felt guilty..." "'It's on my ear,' he complained"... "Mockingly, plucking on his shirt..." "Not only on my face and hands, but all over the candidate's picture..."
All in the first few paragraphs, and she's writing about barbecue sauce.

It's hornier than "The American President" or "West Wing" fan fiction could ever have imagined.

One way or another, I'm gonna lose ya'
I'm gonna give you the slip
A slip of the lip or another, I'm gonna lose ya'
I'm gonna trick ya', I'll trick ya'

- Blondie, "One Way Or Another"

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Saturday, March 08, 2008

Late Winter Wonderland

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Covington, Friday night

It's March, but that's beside the point.

This line in a Cincinnati Enquirer article about the Great Ohio Valley Blizzard of 2008TM really jumped off the page (emphasis mine):

The West Chester Kroger at Tylersville and Cox roads plans to stay open all night, says manager Steve Webb. Managers have already asked some staff to stay in the store break room overnight. They also plan to put some people up in local hotels to help keep the store open.

How do they decide which employees get to stay in the "store break room" tonight, and which ones get to stay in local hotels? Do they draw straws? Rock-Scissors-Paper? How much does it suck to be an employee at the West Chester Kroger at Tylersville and Cox this snowy March night?

Be careful out there, everyone. And go throw some snowballs.

Lookin' out my window, sometimes I wonder
Am I ever gonna get to where I'm gonna go home
Maybe tomorrow, maybe next summer
Girl, I just don't know
'Cause I'm snowblind, I can't see a thing
I'm snowblind, I don't wanna sing
I'm snowblind, need a familiar face
I'm snowblind, think I'm lost in space

- Kiss, "Snow Blind"

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Saturday, March 01, 2008


Overheard at the bar:

"I wish Dubya was running again, just so I could vote against him."

Yes, America, Chris Matthews, Wolf Blitzer, political-glam-bloggers, Tim Russert, and even Maureen Dowd... this is Ohio. I wonder which way that dude will go? There are many like him, but I imagine you're a little too bored and caught up in your narrative to bother talking to him.

The story is on that bar stool right in front of you, Anderson Cooper. Put down the Cosmo (you just know he's a Cosmo guy and I mean that in the best possible, good-tipper way) and interview that dude, seriously.

I just watched an hour of Larry King interviewing Samwise Gamgee and The Nanny on the Ohio election, and I'm thinking, well, what the fuck? Who are these producers/bookers at CNN, and how can I tap into such a cakey, mindless, well-paying, let's-ring-up-the-D-List-because-who-really-gives-a-shit-we'll-talk-to-anybody-about-flyover-state-politics job?

I'm telling you, I would excel at that kind of work.

So odd to have been jealous, all these years, of Iowa and New Hampshire, only to find John McCain, Hillary Clinton, Mike Huckabee and Barack Obama knocking on the doors of my own back yard. In the now.

Isn't it whack, my fellow Buckeyes?

I've realized it really is true... if you live long enough, you'll see everything.

And, finally, Off-Ohio-Political-Maelstrom-Topic: Rest in peace,
Mike Smith. And thanks to you and the lads for some timeless, and fun, words:

Now we gotta run, mmmm-mm-mm
No more time for fun, mmmm-mm-mm
When we're getting angry, mmmm-mm-mm
We will yell with all of our might
Catch us if you can, catch us if you can

- Dave Clark Five, "Catch Us If You Can"

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