Good Idea, Poor Execution

Not to get on this kick again, but I'm kind of hungry, and remain so following my latest fling with Excellence in Frozen Convenience Dining. At least the "meatball" count is accurately represented on the package.



A word of advice, late-night freezer-grazers... avoid the Swedish Meatballs. The Grilled Chicken Paninis (in Club and Tuscan flavors) are much, much better.

Technorati Tags: Frozen Dinner

Greetings, Halloween Tavern Wench Costume Seekers!!

If I wanted to make money on a Saturday night,
this is the last thing I'd wear.

This time of year, I get a ridiculous amount of Google and Yahoo! hits that reach a fever pitch right about now, and begin to fade off come November 1st. I can only assume they hit this blog while searching for "Tavern Wench" costumes for Halloween, aka "You Have Permission To Dress Like A Whore" day. Well, however you got here, welcome!! And thanks for stopping by while costume-shopping, and special kudos for wanting to be an old-school Tavern Wench, if only for a day.

Maybe I should enter the seasonal costume market? God, I could make a fortune... note to self for next October.

Halloween is really one of my favorite times of year, and a great time to get paid if you're working behind a bar. It's festive, it's chilly, the bands are great, everyone is dressed like a whore, and feeling super-generous. It's the perfect tip storm!! And honestly, you could do worse, in that slutty way, than a Tavern Wench costume. They're kind of cute, really...

When I first thought of the blog and the Tavern Wench theme, I was inspired by one of my outrageous former coworkers, who back in the day would wear this Tavern Wench get-up several times a year, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Monday Night Football, Easter, what have you, performing a trick where her boobs would accidentally-on-purpose pop out every time she leaned over. I'd just serve drinks and ring the bell every time the fellas threw the ducats at her. But I learned a thing or two from that delighful, fun-loving girl... like how to make a proper Washington Apple, for one (her fantastic recipe forthcoming in a future post, promise). And how to have a great time behind the bar, for another.

Thank God we were sharing tips. A toast to you, Shelly!! Cheers, my dear old friend!

So what are you going to be for Halloween? I'm flirting with the idea of Amy Winehouse... beehive wig, crazy eye makeup, fake tattoos, cigs and whiskey galore... my only fear is people might say, "Hey, why didn't you wear a costume?"

Happy Halloween, everyone! Go out, drink, make mirth, give treats, not trickery, dress scandalously, and tip generously!

Well, its a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heartstrings that play soft and low

- Van Morrison, "Moondance"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Tavern Wench Costume, Amy Winehouse, Halloween, Bartending

America's Team

Oh, what the hell, I feel like a baseball rant. Watching the ALCS and rooting on The Tribe, because, you know, I'm from Ohio. It's hard for me to believe it's been 17 years (!!!1!!) since the Reds won a World Series, but I really have to feel for our friends up north. C'mon, Tribe!

I loved the Sox back in '86, when that ball rolled through Bill Buckner's legs all the way to, it seemed, Logan Airport. I mean, who didn't feel their pain? I've cheered for them ever since, and after they finally broke The Curse, I felt relieved. But parts of America that lay outside Quincy, Massachusetts haven't gotten over it yet. I can't swing a cat without hitting a Red Sox ballcap on a midwesterner these days.

I flirted with a temporary affection for the Dallas Cowboys when I was a kid and that Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader movie starring Jane Seymour and Julie from The Love Boat was popular, but I won't get fooled again. Even when they were winning, it just didn't feel satisfying. I had no connection to them, no childhood memories of dad holding my hand and guiding me through the crowds at Riverfront Stadium...

I never did get into the Atlanta Braves when they were hailed as "America's Team" (they were the only show on cable, so who could blame baseball fans for falling for them) and I'm not going to fall in love with Boston now.

Friends of mine returned recently from a trip to New York, including a trek out to Yankee Stadium. They met a young Yankees fan who made an impression on them, wearing a shirt that read, "Boston Sucks Caaahk." Or something to that effect, written phonetically in a Harvard Yard accent.

It was hilarious to me, I mean, I didn't even see the shirt and it killed me. Still, I'll always be a Red Sox fan (especially over the freakin' Yankees), but they'll never be #1 in my heart. That's a spot that should be reserved for your local childhood team, even when they're losing so consistently you wonder why they can't apply that kind of work ethic to actually winning.

As I post this, it's not over yet, even though Joe Scarborough (I like his show, but that warrants another explanation-post) told me this morning on MSNBC that he wasn't sure his "beloved Red Sox" could come from behind and win three in a row; he didn't know if they were, you know, capable of that. His beloved Red Sox. Really, Joe? It's exactly what I'm talking about, and I think it demeans the Red Sox more than a little to have everyone suddenly loving them, without knowing a damned thing about them. Their charm always involved being the underdogs trying to whip The Curse, but now, through no fault of their own, as a baseball fan, I'm feeling cursed by their "fans".

As if any of you are watching baseball anyway (TBS? What the hell, the NL playoffs don't even merit free TV anymore? What is this, hockey?), but that's why I feel as though I'm rooting against the Red Sox this time around, even though it leaves me feeling a little weird and guilty. Go Tribe! And good luck against those wily and entirely unexpected Colorado Rockies. You'll need it, Ohio.

Anyone know where I can get one of those Boston shirts my friends were talking about...?

Update 10/21/07: Hmmm.... Game 7! Joe Scarborough must have the vapors by now.

Update 10/22/07: Red Sox win! What the hell do I know?

Well I went back to Ohio
But my family was gone
I stood on the back porch
There was nobody home
I was stunned and amazed
My childhood memories
Slowly swirled past
Like the wind through the trees
Ay, oh, way to go, Ohio

- Pretenders, "My City Was Gone"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, World Series, Baseball, Joe Scarborough

Apropos of nothing...

...I have acute insomnia, I can't stop screwing around with I Can Has Cheezburger Factory, and I can prove it.



Congratulations, Al!! I guess the Heathers won't be convinced you've proven yourself until you win a Tony Award or something, but, somehow, I have a feeling you're going to be just fine. :-)

And it's apropos of nothing
When he says his name is William
But I'm sure it's Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy

- Sheryl Crow, "All I Wanna Do"

Technorati Tags: Al Gore, Nobel Peace Prize, LOLCat