Of Bars, Booze, and Bartending - Proving "Coughlin's Law" Invalid Since Feb '05

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Who Doesn't Love A Bar Brawl Among County Party Officials?

I've never met the bartender Adam William, but any time I hear about a bar brawl where a bartender ends up assaulted, I spring to his defense no matter what.

Adam makes it even easier with this tale of southwestern Ohio shenanigans gone awry, leaving in its wake a trio of high-profile local Republicans who surely woke up the next morning with full-blown hangovers, next to their wives, thinking, "Oh, Fuck."

Butler County GOP officials investigated in bar fight - Cincinnati Enquirer

Also found on Daily Kos: Link


A complaint filed with the Butler County Sheriff's Department said that central committee Chairman Quentin Nichols, of West Chester; Tim Dearwester of Hamilton, a member of the central committee; and Sean Maloney of Liberty Township, a member of the executive committee, allegedly assaulted the bartender at Putter's Tavern & Grill shortly after midnight Oct. 26.

Adam William told deputies he approached the trio about a plastic advertising sign being damaged in the men's room. He asked them to leave after one of the men threatened him with a pool stick and another made sexual remarks about the bar's owner, the police report said.
The men then jumped on William and punched and hit him with a chair before the fight moved outside at the Cincinnati-Dayton Road establishment, resulting in a bench being damaged, William told police.

How on earth did they get caught? Two clues from the article:

Nichols left his credit card behind and William turned it over to sheriff's deputies.

Now, just a tip. If you're planning on a bender with the boys, and you happen to be a high-ranking county party official, you don't want to leave any kind of paper trail. Start a tab!?!! Even Scooter Libby wouldn't start a tab, amateur. Pay as you go, young Republicans. Pay as you go.

Nichols, Dearwester and Maloney left in a silver or gold Hummer before deputies arrived.

Hey, junior criminals... Sure, it's cool to flee the scene in a silver (or gold) Hummer. Good thing you've got drunk witnesses. Still, it's tricky to creep in a Hummer. Just sayin'.

A toast to Adam William, a hard-working bartender who happened to make the news after a really, really shitty night. To Adam!! I hope you're not bruised in any manner. And, Adam? Next time a bar patron, Republican, Democrat or Independent, tries to throw a bar stool at you, grab the bottle of Galliano and wield it like a light saber. That's what it's there for, because nobody drinks Harvey Wallbangers anymore.

And finally, a weak-hearted toast to alleged felon Quentin Nichols, the man who left his tab behind, for saying, in his defense against assault, destroying property, and stiffing a bartender his well-earned tip:

"It's politics. Some folks out there seem to twist the story on you."

I was gambling in Havana
I took a little risk
Send lawyers, guns and money
Dad, get me out of this

I'm the innocent bystander, somehow I got stuck
Between the rock and the hard place
And I'm down on my luck
And I'm down on my luck
And I'm down on my luck

- Warren Zevon, "Lawyers, Guns and Money"