Of Bars, Booze, and Bartending - Proving "Coughlin's Law" Invalid Since Feb '05

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Cornhole! Less dangerous than bowling!

One of Cincinnati's lesser claims to fame is the phenomenon of Cornhole, a silly beanbag bar game that can best be described as Toss-Across, with the pesky tic-tac-toe concept replaced by a singular hole.

A cornhole, as it were. First, Cincinnati became famous for three-ways. Now, cornhole. How much innuendo can one sexually-repressed city be expected to bear?

Apparently, it's all the rage on the news these days. It's such a rage that The Today Show sent a crew, and Andy Milonakis, to The 'Nati to talk about cornhole. Cornhole!!!! I thought it would go away seven years ago, but apparently it's the next big thing.

And nobody told me.

Is it wise to promote what is essentially a parlor game during morning shows, though? Of course, I missed The Today Show segment, because bartenders aren't up at seven in the morning. Please. And the true, rowdy cornhole matches don't hit their stride until 11 pm, at the earliest. I'm just sayin', is all...

By the way, I once tended bar for Tom Zapf, an all-around good guy and great boss, as well as the owner of Sneaky Pete's, as mentioned in this article. Apparently Sneaky Pete's was ground zero for "Cornhole - This Time, It's National." I wish him all the success in the world, even if Cornhole is involved. He was always an amazing promoter, and I learned a lot from him.

On behalf of the great City of Cincinnati, I apologize, America, for Cornhole. But, you might find that you're really good at it. It's easy, throwing beanbags at slanted boxes while friends look on, and it makes for ridiculous fun when sufficiently buzzed!

Plus, you don't have to rent smelly bowling shoes.

Think this through I laid it down for you every time
Expect me to give you what's mine
You're entirely way too fine
Flirt with me, don't keep hurtin' me, don't cause me pain
Be my lover, don't play no games
Just play me John Coltrane

- Lucinda Williams, "Righteously"