Of Bars, Booze, and Bartending - Proving "Coughlin's Law" Invalid Since Feb '05

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

The Difference Between A Cool Regular, and an Annoying Regular

A cool regular pops in during happy hour. He's fun, he needles your politics, complains about your pours, and tips you 30%. He's the kind of guy everyone yells "Norm!" to, when he strolls in, and he eats that up with a spoon. He regales you with stories of cheap blowjobs during the Vietnam War, and educates you on the finer aspects of Panamanian smoke. He's a good time. He's cool. He makes the night go by quickly. He's interesting, and he doesn't wear out his welcome.

The annoying regular is the newbie, the guy who strolls in 15 minutes before close, orders a bottle of wine for himself, and some wierd margarita that he invents, instructs you pour-by-pour, and then complains about. He hangs out until an hour after the last dining room customer has left, and talks about his divorce. Endlessly. Until the point where servers in the kitchen snark at me, "Did you know that "Joe" is going through a divorce?"

It's our big delivery day, I'm up to my elbows in inventory, and Joe Boring comes in 15 minutes before close, complaining about his soon-to-be ex-wife.


He's ours now, because I was too nice to him the first night he came in.

We're onto him, and we'll make him comfortably numb, but that'll learn ya, being nice.

Well I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when
I've been drinking bourbon, whiskey, scotch and gin
Gonna get high man I'm gonna get loose
Need me a triple shot of that juice
Gonna get drunk don't you have no fear
I want one bourbon, one scotch and one beer
One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer

- George Thorogood/John Lee Hooker