Tavern Wench

The Future of TavernWench

2011-09-14T05:31:00.003-04:00

I would have loved to continue this blog, but technology got in my way the same way that it served as a blessing, at the time. Things catch up on you. Bosses find out. Shit gets real.

You can find my daily rants on Twitter, but I realize it's not the same. I hope to get back, one day, to telling anonymous stories and spinning delightful yarns about my guests. But, in the meantime, and yes, it might mean forever, I just can't blog anymore, not in the way I have in the past. So here we are, a year to the day that I posted my last update, and it was weak. I don't want to go out like this.

Isn't it sad? It certainly is for me.

The Audacity of Dipshits

2010-09-14T02:22:00.011-04:00

Humor me...

So, like any other wide-eyed baseball-loving optimist, I entered the Cincinnati Reds post-season ticket-buying opportunity raffle lottery with the highest of hopes. Whatever it was, it was a chance at buying seats to watch my beloved Reds in the playoffs, I was feeling lucky, I've attended enough regular season games to feel as though I earned just a few post-season ticket-scoring karma points, and so I was all over it. It only required an email address, and a quick login process, after all. (And yes, of course I used two email addresses.) In love, anything is possible, right? And I am just head-over-heels with these Reds. Yes, it's completely irrational, but I was just sure I'd score tickets to at least one post-season appearance.

This afternoon came the sad news that I had not been selected, and I can live with that, but of course curiosity got the best of me and I scouted around eBay to see if anyone was doing the unthinkable, and sure enough, just under ten entries were returned, asking anywhere from $95 to $200 for the Reds post-season ticket code that allows you to compete for tickets at 9:00 am Wednesday morning. To reiterate: they're just selling access to the sale; there's no guarantee whatsoever you'll get tickets, or that you'll be happy with the ones you score if you're so lucky.

Look, I know nobody cares and "fuck the right thing, go for the money" has become the American Way and all, but I'm still incredibly irritated that someone, anyone who invested absolutely nothing has the audacity to charge a perfect stranger for the privilege of attempting to secure tickets to a home town game in their own damned city. Yes, I'm talking to you, Mr. NYC eBay Seller, and also you, Mr. Somewhere in Texas eBay Seller. You officially suck.

That's all, really. I won't take it so far as to wish, if by some strange happenstance said interlopers ended up attending a post-season game, that they'd get hit by a broken bat, or anything.

Look out kid
You’re gonna get hit
But users, cheaters, six-time losers
Hang around the theaters
Girl by the whirlpool
Lookin’ for a new fool
Don’t follow leaders
Watch the parkin’ meters

- Bob Dylan, "Subterranean Homesick Blues"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Cincinnati Reds

Most Interesting Thing That Happened Tonight

2010-08-13T01:39:00.016-04:00

While walking to work, I stumbled upon a shiny object, and, being human, picked it up. Turned out to be a homemade DVD of some sort, titled, "Oil Dat Fat Ass Up." I shit you not.

Tagline could've used some work, but, to be fair, I have to compliment the graphic artist. Wish I'd snapped a photo of it before one of my coworkers (immediately) snagged it from my hands. Coulda, shoulda, woulda.

In this case "woulda" = made a nice addition to the restaurant's "Lost and Found" section.

Shame, really.

So, this one's been looping through my head lately, mostly for beat reasons but also because I recently heard The Decemberists' worthy cover on the radio; just a sweet tune, no? Absolutely nothing to do with the post, except for the part where I was attracted to a shiny object.

If you ever get close to a human

And human behavior

Be ready be ready to get confused

And me and my hereafter

There's definitely definitely definitely no logic

To human behavior

But yet so, yet so irresistible

Björk, "Human Behavior"

Haven't quit yet!

2010-08-04T01:35:00.003-04:00

But honestly, my new clientèle? Not so terribly interesting. Going to have to work on that. Maybe once they warm up to me a little? This blog sucks without stories, and makes work so much more like, well, work! I got into this business for the money, I stayed with it for the camaraderie of a professional kitchen, and the ever-changing cast of characters.

So far, though? Feels different out there than it used to...

The offered me the office, offered me the shop
They said I'd better take anything they'd got
Do you wanna make tea at the BBC?
Do you wanna be, do you really wanna be a cop?

Career opportunities are the ones that never knock
Every job they offer you is to keep you out the dock
Career opportunity, the ones that never knock

The Clash, "Career Opportunities"

Gettin' back in the groove

2010-07-27T01:00:00.007-04:00

Wow, I forgot how much bartending makes my feet hurt. Ouch. They're practically throbbing right now. Much like the pain of childbirth (I'm only guessing here), it's one of those parts that escapes the mind when you decide to, you know, do it again. Hey, at least it's just a little part-time giggy-thing this time around. I think I can hang.

I also forgot how much I dislike serving the clergy (and when you live in a city more Catholic than Rome*, you get a lot of that). Well, serving the clergy is just fine, really, but settling the tab is often disappointing. Yes, I realize they took a vow of poverty, and that's super, but it doesn't exactly help me make my car payment...

It's been a hard day's night

And I've been workin' like a dog

It's been a hard day's night

I should be sleepin' like a log

The Beatles, "A Hard Day's Night"

*Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just adding a little local insight. Please, no hate mail unless it is accompanied by a large check.

Guess who's back in the muthaf'n house?

2010-07-20T03:17:00.007-04:00

With a fat.... well, you know the tune.

That's right. So here I go again...

Night One. Sidework is brutal. I'm a little out of shape. But boy, have I missed the odd cast of characters one tends to meet in this business. Why did I ever get out? I was born to this.

There's talk on the street; it sounds so familiar
Great expectations, everybody's watching you
People you meet, they all seem to know you
Even your old friends treat you like you're something new

Johnny come lately, the new kid in town
Everybody loves you, so don't let them down

The Eagles, "New Kid In Town"

Best Bar In Cincinnati - It's On!

2009-07-10T22:37:00.003-04:00

Just a short post to remind everyone that The Cincinnati Man Best Bar In Cincinnati Poll is in full-swing.

Go vote for your local favorites, and please don't forget the smaller taverns and your favorite bartenders while making your decisions!

Cheers!

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio

Happy 4th of July! Have Some Soup!

2009-07-03T20:04:00.004-04:00

A delicious recipe, tested for confidence. If you're feeling patriotic, this will really feed a crowd, and might even remind your guests of their first trip to the Capitol, as a student:

Senate Bean Soup

The Famous Senate Restaurant Bean Soup Recipe

2 pounds dried navy beans

four quarts hot water

1 1/2 pounds smoked ham hocks

1 onion, chopped

2 tablespoons butter

salt and pepper to taste

Wash the navy beans and run hot water through them until they are slightly whitened. Place beans into pot with hot water. Add ham hocks and simmer approximately three hours in a covered pot, stirring occasionally. Remove ham hocks and set aside to cool. Dice meat and return to soup. Lightly brown the onion in butter. Add to soup. Before serving, bring to a boil and season with salt and pepper. Serves 8.

We're sorry
We hate to interrupt
But it's against the law to jump off this bridge
You'll just have to kill yourself somewhere else
A tourist might see you
And we wouldn't want that

- Dead Kennedys, "Soup Is Good Food"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio

Twitter Is The New Blog

2009-06-20T17:40:00.010-04:00

Added my feed to the right, accessible from the main page. I promise not to tweet about sandwiches, even when I really really want to.

When everything starts to fall
So fast that it terrifies you
When will you hit the wall?
Are you gonna learn to fly?

No one would believe it
Except for all the people
Watching as you fly away

Baby when I get home
I want to believe in Jesus
You can hammer in the final nail
But help me pick up the pieces

- Dave Matthews Band, "Time Bomb"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Dave Matthews Band,

Twitter

Dave Matthews Band - Riverbend - 6-16-09

2009-06-17T04:21:00.019-04:00

More pics I snapped here!

Hearing all the new songs for the first time live was thrilling,

and listening to the crowd sing "Jimi Thing" in the middle of a

monsoon is one highlight that comes to mind! I'll update this

post later with a little review, but suffice it to say, fantastic

energy tonight, Cincinnati! And what a show. I mean, really,

what a show!!

This is one band that is at the top of their game. Anyone who

attended can tell you that, and will also tell you it was one

helluva night for Boyd Tinsley (pictured above) and Tim Reynolds.

Please, go buy "Big Whiskey and the Groo Grux King." And go

buy a ticket to Indy/Deer Creek! It just isn't summer until you've

gone to see DMB.

(Edit: It's really strange, how Blogger treats IE vs Google Chrome. The posts look fine in IE, but I use GC and they look awful. Not sure about Firefox. Bloggered!!!)

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Dave Matthews Band

Awful Waffle

2009-06-09T15:55:00.006-04:00

The Cincinnati Enquirer has a disturbing article today about a group of African Americans who are alleging discrimation at the Kingsgate Waffle House:

Suit: Waffle House snubbed blacks

Reading the story upset me, and although we certainly don't have all the facts yet, I'm going to follow this story closely. As someone who has worked many a late-night bar shift, hungry at 4:00 AM, I can tell you with some authority that Waffle House pretty much sucks. I always felt horrible for the one or two servers they'd have on the graveyard shift, because I figured the job must be truly awful and low-paying for the servers to have such completely shitty attitudes. I'm not even sure that at that time of night, it's possible to get good service at a Waffle House; I and my coworkers always had slightly better luck at Perkins, and of course, thank goodness IHOP is back in town...

However, there is a big difference between receiving the consistently terrible service I grew accustomed to, and what this group says happened to them.

If you're the kind of person who reads an article like this and immediately thinks that what the group is alleging just isn't possible in this city, in this day, I urge you to wade through the comment section. I think I made to the fourth page before I couldn't take it anymore.

Can't you see that it's just raining
Ain't no need to go outside
But, baby

You hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song is meant to keep ya
From doing what your supposed to
Like waking up too early
Maybe we can sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now

- Jack Johnson, "Banana Pancakes"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Waffle House

I Heart Bacardi Ads

2009-06-08T15:20:00.006-04:00

I really do.

Now, I still think Mojitos suck, but this ad is so creative, that it almost makes me want one. Almost!

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio

Department of Housekeeping

2009-05-13T19:03:00.031-04:00

Hola, friends!

I apologize for posting absolutely nothing, but I do have a bit, a tiny sliver, of good news to report... I sort of/kind of have a job, a part-time thing where I get to write and get paid for it, so I'm rather excited.

Being a cynical person, we'll see what happens. But for now, things look up for the first time in six months. I don't think our media understands, or is terribly interested in, how difficult it is out here right now for the unemployed and under-employed, and how much we'll stretch and reinvent ourselves to preserve our own personal version of the American Dream, but there are always blogs and other news sources (including talking to people in real life; try it some time!) to fill you in. I doubt anyone in Ohio is ignorant to the fact that times are tough, indeed.

But that is neither here nor there, and I hope to update you all soon with some more "official-like" news. In the meantime, please keep your hearts open for the unemployed, and for all of us, really.

There's this song that has been buzzing through my head for months now... She may be a youngish minx-ingenue, but Lily Allen is delightfully sarcastic and I believe she has captured herself a Zeitgeist. To me, "The Fear" is an answer to Madonna's "Material Girl", 25-odd years later. When I think back on 2008/2009, I believe Lily Allen's song will be a part of our story, and about who we (hopefully) were. Did we view Madonna's 1985 take on this theme as tongue-in cheek? I think at the time we might have, but now, I'm not so sure.

As much as it pains me to admit finding modern meaning in a simple pop song, "I don't know what's right and what's real anymore."

I want to be rich and I want lots of money

I don't care about clever, I don't care about funny

I want loads of clothes, and fuckloads of diamonds

I heard people die while they are trying to find them

- Lily Allen, "The Fear"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio

The Cig Tax

2009-04-03T21:04:00.006-04:00

There's a new federal Cigarette Tax that has been causing much disorder and consternation and wringing-of-hands in blogging circles. So, being in a Smoking Industry, how can I resist to comment?

For a little bit, I worked at a club in a college town, with a college audience. They were the most horrendous tippers of all time, and our owner's pricing didn't help matters much. If all well drinks are 75 cents, looks like the bartender is getting a quarter a drink... if they don't slide that sneaky quarter off the tacky chrome bar before you catch them, that is.

At this particular bar, my weekend partner-in-bartending-crime became so annoyed at the Quarter Tip, that one of us started chucking the coin at the patron's head, the moment he turned his back. I imagine if I were to talk to this bartender, we'd argue for hours about who came up with it, but we just did it, both of us. The place was so loud and disorienting and dark to anyone not used to its glaring obsenity in the full light, while cutting limes and stocking beer, that you weren't about to be surprised at a strange "what the fuck was that" on the top of your head. They'd usually turn around, and that was the best part; that's why we did it. To see the looks on their face if they turned around.

I'd say 45% of them turned around.

One of the bouncers called it "The Dick Tax." It wasn't fair, and it wasn't nice. But in hindsight I'm still thinking, well, seriously, college kids, leave fifty cents on a deeply-discounted 75-cent drink, and let's call it even.

At the very end of the night, we'd bust ass to get out of there, and one of us would take to sweeping the huge dancefloor. It was a job you couldn't trust to a barback.. because we knew the floor was a quarter-mine.

We'd usually net about $60 total in retrieved thrown quarters per Saturday night.

Another little racket we'd run that was far more profitable was "The Cig Tax." We'd pitch in and purchase cartons of cigarettes, usually one carton of Camel Kings and one carton of Camel Light 100s, and leave them on the back bar. Whenever a patron would (and they always would) ask, "Hey, bartender, do you have a smoke? Can I bum a smoke?" We'd say, "I'll sell you one for a quarter." And in the course of an evening, we'd sell the two packs out shortly before closing time, 40 cigarettes easy in a night, for a net of $5.00 profit each per night, and loads of happy, smoky customers.

(Bartenders can go broke by letting guest bum all their smokes, you know.)

I don't know what nightclub bartenders are doing now, but with the new federal tobacco tax combined with nationwide state tax increases, where I live, a pack of name-brand cigs is now around $6.00.

I hope the nightclub bartenders of the present day are wise enough to know to charge $1.00 a cig at their bar. There's always money to be made in the rackets.

Woke up, got out of bed

Dragged a comb across my head

Found my way downstairs and drank a cup

And looking up, I noticed I was late

Found my coat, and grabbed my hat

Made the bus in seconds flat

Found my way upstairs and had a smoke

And somebody spoke, and I went into a dream

Ahhhh....

The Beatles, "A Day In The Life"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Tobacco Tax

That's It - Vernon Manor Shuts Doors

2009-04-01T02:32:00.014-04:00

Photo - Cincinnati Enquirer

For some reason, I was just hoping it wouldn't come to pass, but, of course it has. The beloved Vernon Manor has closed. A very good, and poignant, and frankly depressing piece in the Enquirer:

Vernon Manor Ends Historic Era

The Vernon Manor served its last meal Tuesday morning - and there wasn't a dry eye in the place. So ended 85 years of the landmark hotel, which hosted presidents, Beatles, hall of famers and scenes from "Rain Man."

And so it goes. Good luck out there to you, the great and unforgettable staff of The Vernon Manor. I hope many pictures in the final days were taken, because everything is changing, and we need to be sure that we don't forget...

Closing time, time for you to go out, go out into the world
Closing time, turn the lights up over every boy and every girl
Closing time, one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time, you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

- Semisonic, "Closing Time"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Vernon Manor

Vernon Manor Closing

2009-03-13T17:41:00.027-04:00

Now, this news just breaks my heart. Truly.

Vernon Manor Hotel to close - Cincinnati Enquirer

Here's just a little bit more from the Business Courier. The Kentucky Post has the best story up so far, of the mainstreams.

This place was a city landmark, and anyone who worked in this industry knew somebody who worked at "The Vern." They always had such wonderful stories to share about Cincinnati; funny, relevant, downright strange at times, and almost always laugh-out-loud hilarious. Back in the day (yes, even the 90's!), all the rock stars were still staying there, and servers and bartenders from other establishments couldn't wait to be regaled with Vern stories, when our shifts ended and we'd all meet up to gossip about our night's work.

A former employer of mine operated this hotel, and although I didn't work at that property, I know and care deeply about the excellent people who worked at the beautiful, historic Vernon Manor. There is so much I want to say about this, but probably shouldn't... just a little more time, and I'll open up.

But for now, it's just a very sad day for Cincinnati, and especially for the loyal, wonderful employees of The Vern. Hang in there, guys.

The most famous words ever uttered about the Vernon Manor: "Have to get to K-Mart. 400 Oak and Burnet. 400 Oak Street. 400 Oak and Burnet in Cincinnati."

Now Main Street's whitewashed windows, and vacant stores
Seems like there ain't nobody wants to come down here no more
They're closing down the textile mill 'cross the railroad tracks
Foreman says "These jobs are going boys, and they ain't coming back"

To your hometown

Your hometown

- Bruce Springsteen, "My Hometown"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Vernon Manor

So, They Laid Off The "Cheers" Bartender

2009-03-11T07:05:00.017-04:00

And all this time, I thought it was just me...

For Boston Institution, Closing Credits Roll - 'Cheers' Lays Off Fabled Bartender

I'm telling you, old-school bartending is a dying art, and I'm growing ever more concerned. How do you let this kind of treasure go?!? Thirty-five years behind the bar, and *poof,* he's gone. This is not the kind of employee you can simply replace, you know? What I wouldn't have given, to have sat on one of his barstools, slowly stirring my Manhattan, just listening and watching... thirty-five years. Wow.

Since Sam Malone and Issac from "Love Boat" are my personal bartending role models (yes, I'm serious, and will answer all of your queries one day), I have to admit that this one really, really hurts.

Eddie Doyle was the guy who really did know everybody's name, at least when he started working at the tavern that inspired the television show "Cheers."

To the tens of thousands of tourists that later passed through, Doyle remained behind the bar to offer a smile, a beer and tips about where to find the Boston that wasn't shown on TV.
Now Doyle is out of a job, laid off from "Cheers" after 35 years. The bar's owner has said a tough economy and sagging business forced the move, which was one of several layoffs.
Doyle said he's not bitter, just surprised and a little sad.

It pains me to see the era pass. A hearty toast to the Bull & Finch Pub, and especially to their staff. To you, Eddie Doyle. Cheers, and best of luck to you!

(By the way, I never realized the following lyrics are a lot weirder than those we heard on TV all those years. Awesome!)

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead
The morning's looking bright
And your shrink ran off to Europe
And didn't even write
And your husband wants to be a girl

Be glad there's one place in the world
Where everybody knows your name
And they're always glad you came
You want to go where people know
People are all the same
You want to go where everybody knows your name

- Gary Portnoy, "Where Everybody Knows Your Name"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Eddie Doyle, Cheers, Sam Malone

Greetings, Atriots!

2009-03-09T15:15:00.021-04:00

Not bar-related, but it's always nice to get a link from Atrios. I had written him yesterday about Tamarack Ski Resort closing in Idaho, as an indicator of just how screwed the economy is. First new US ski resort since the 70's, and it's gone, after only four years in operation.

Good stuff in the Idaho Statesman, too. "River of Money," indeed.

Actually, to make this a bar-related post, may I offer up the perfect Après-ski Cocktail? Couldn't be simpler. Make up a nice batch of hot chocolate, pour an ounce and a half of Bailey's Mint Chocolate (in my experience, this is sadly the only recipe it's good for; top-notch delightful here though) into a large mug, top with the hot chocolate, stir gently, and add a healthy dollop of real whipped cream. Mmmmm! Boozy, wintry heaven.

And no ski resort required, either! In this economy, though, you might want to make it a double.

Time, time, time, see what's become of me
While I looked around
For my possibilities
I was so hard to please

But look around, leaves are brown
And the sky is a hazy shade of winter

Hear the Salvation Army band
Down by the riverside, it's bound to be a better ride
Than what you've got planned
Carry your cup in your hand

And look around, leaves are brown, now
And the sky is a hazy shade of winter

- Simon and Garfunkel, "Hazy Shade of Winter"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Drink Recipes, Tamarack, Idaho

Happy End of February!

2009-02-28T18:25:00.010-05:00

Sorry for taking the month off, everyone. Hope to be back soon. I really, really do. I'm growing quite restless.

This blog turned Four Years Old this month. It breaks my heart to not be able to deliver you the juicy stories from behind the bar that have kept Tavern Wench going this long. The writing kept me going, as well, you know.

Thank you all so very much for reading, and for your support and kind emails of late, and again, I can't wait to get back to my attempts at keeping you entertained!

Job market remains brutal, y'all. Pluggin' away at it. You've been warned... I'll be back. Please don't confuse this for one of those "I'm Killing My Blog" posts. No such luck. :-)

Her green plastic watering can
For her fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth

That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself
It wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out

- Radiohead, "Fake Plastic Trees"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio

Inauguration 2009 - The Blue Ticket To Nowhere - NOW, with PHOTOS!

2009-01-24T17:04:00.038-05:00

And now... the Tale of The Blue People: My Inauguration 2009 Story!

I was one of those clutching a coveted and much-lusted-after Blue Ticket, who never actually made it into the Inauguration Ceremony. What a sad and unorganized mess that was. Just massive crowds, no security, no directions, no police presence, no nuthin'. We arrived at the Blue security entrance at 8:30 (we were instructed beforehand that the gate would not open until 9:00) and waited patiently for three hours in the cold, packed in like penguins, moving forward toward the entrance maybe a few inches every fifteen minutes. Spirits remained high, though, and we chanted "Keep Hope Alive!!" and "What's Going On!!" at various intervals. Around 11:30, however, the "line" broke down and the thousands behind us surged forward, scattering everyone else in all sorts of directions. In the crowd push, I ended up swept up to the left and face-planted into a tree (ouch!!).

A few photos of the mind-blowing Blue Ticket "Line":

Of course, realizing now we weren't going to see the Inauguration at all, and quite weary of crowds, we high-tailed it up and out of there, standing on 2nd Street behind the Capitol just as the cannon fire went off. Realizing Obama had finally just become President, we just hugged and cried with strangers on the street, most of them dejected ticket-holders.

Photo as the 21-Gun-Salute was fired off - 2nd Street and East Capitol:

Following that, we were lucky enough to beat the crowd back up to Union Station and ducked into The Dubliner (where "Morning ~~Poison~~ Joe" was filming all week) to lift a pint and a whiskey just in time to see Bush's helicopter lift off. It was there that we first learned about our Purple Ticket Brethren in Solidarity, who experienced The Purple Ticket Tunnel Of Doom, since the bar was packed with them, as well. They actually seem to have had it worse than we "Blue People" did. We joined in hearty choruses of "Na Na Hey Hey" and "There's No One As Irish As Barack Obama." (short YouTube video of that moment here.)

Watching Bush & Posse fly back to Texas, with fellow Inauguration Revelers at The Dubliner!:

All in all, it was an absolute blast, and even though we were sorely disappointed to have had tickets and yet saw nothing, I'd still do it over again. It is a real testament to the character and jovial nature of the thousands of us in "line" that nothing awful happened. And celebrating on the street just yards away and later at an Irish bar packed with revelers? Well, that part didn't suck at all.

Crowd at Union Station, after the party, trying to get home:

It just goes to show you that sometimes, things don't turn out the way you anticipated; they, in fact, turn out better. My Inauguration memories are precious to me, and I am so thrilled and happy to have been there, to have been in the midst of that energy, to have been counted. I hope we can all just take a moment to lift our glasses to The New Day. It really is an amazing and wondrous time to be an American.

Know Hope.

(Edit: Washington Post has the best news article yet about what happened: Inaugural Missteps and Miscalculations)

(And many thanks to the good, fine people at Progressive Blend Radio for inviting me on-air the Monday before the Inauguration. What an amazing group of bad-ass policy wonks and jam-spinnin' deejays! ;-) Listen early and often.)

O’Leary! O’Reilly! O’Hare and O’Hara!
There’s no one as Irish as Barack O’Bama
From the old Blarney stone to the green hills of Tara
There’s no one as Irish as Barack O’Bama

You don’t believe me, I hear you say
But Barack’s as Irish as was JFK
His grandaddy’s daddy came from Moneygall
A small Irish village, well known to you all

Toor a loo! Toor a loo! Toor a loo, toor a lama
There’s no one as Irish as Barack O’Bama

- The Corrigan Brothers, "There's No One As Irish As Barack O'Bama"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Inauguration 2009,Obama Inauguration, Blue Ticket, Purple Ticket,Blue Ticket Inauguration, Purple Ticket Inauguration, The Dubliner,There's No One As Irish As Barack O'Bama

(photos courtesy JJ Saul, partner in Inaugural Madness and Blue Ticket Heartbreak)

Happy Belated New Year!

2009-01-12T16:34:00.009-05:00

I'm still jobless. Sure wish I had something more jovial to report.

Actually, I sort-of do.... I'm Inauguration-Bound, and will be blogging the scene to the best of my abilities. Please tune in, here, and on Progressive Blend Radio! You can listen to me online, and everything.

And to all of you... A Very Happy New Year. May we prosper in good health and good tidings, together.

And so we're told, this is the Golden Age

And gold is the reason for the wars we wage

Though I want to be with you, be with you night and day

Nothing changes on New Year's Day

- U2, "New Year's Day"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Obama Inauguration

Cincinnati Magazine - Where To Drink Now

2008-12-31T01:23:00.017-05:00

The January issue of Cincinnati Magazine has hit the newstands, and since you're a reader of this blog, it's one you won't want to miss: The Bar Issue!! The staff broke Cincy's favorite speakeasies into categories (i.e. locals, sports bars, music venues) to assist you in discovering your own perfect little watering hole.

They've also included a tip sheet called "Make Your Bartender Smile" written by, well, yours truly. Please, to enjoy!

While I am sad to report that no bar which has ever employed me made their list (there's always next year!!), several joints I frequent made the cut(yay!). Pick up your copy today, or, better yet, subscribe for instant online access to the feature and pretty, shiny, colorful copies in your mailbox each month. To support original, local writing is a good and noble thing.

A Very Happy New Year to all of you. As the song goes, Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear.

A tall order, I know.

For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We'll take a cup of kindness yet
For auld lang syne!

- "Auld Lang Syne" (adapted from a traditional song by Rabbie Burns)

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Cincinnati Magazine

Misc.

2008-12-06T19:40:00.018-05:00

Long-time readers of this blog are familar with my deep, non-bar-related interest in Really Bad Cakes. Ergo, it should come as no surprise that this blog cracks me the hell up:

Cake Wrecks!

Here's an example of "Gross Misunderstandings In Cake Ordering" to whet your appetite; the cake was intended for a mother of newborn triplets:

(Also, the "Wedding Wrecks" section rules!)

Finally, Happy Belated 75th Anniversary of the Repeal of the 21st Amendment, my boozy friends! Drinky, drinky!!

MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark

All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!
Oh, no
No, no
Oh NOOOOO

- Richard Harris, "MacArthur Park"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Cake

Job Search Update

2008-11-24T03:22:00.013-05:00

I got nothin'.

It's brutal out here, you guys. Send good thoughts. And job leads! And if you're out imbiding, tip your favorite bartender a little extra this week, for me.

In other news, who couldn't use a laugh these days? Thank you, Louis CK! Perspective, indeed.

UPDATE: I still don't have a job! Ha! But a hearty welcome to Balloon-Juicers, and thanks to the inimitable John Cole, whose writing earned its rightful place in my 2008 Election Survival Kit, for the tag. Make yourself at home; hell, I'll even pull out the barstool for you, just this once. If you're new to the place, and want to figure out what in the hell this blog is about, this is a good place to start. Happy wandering, libations are on the house!

Strike a light

Raise your glasses
Drink a toast to the boring classes

With Albion-ay
Spew it out your soul
Love is on the dole
And there she will stay

All night long we were singing Northern songs

- The Libertines, "Love On The Dole"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio

Ohio For Obama

2008-11-05T02:29:00.007-05:00

There was this moment tonight, you know? Right around 9:25 eastern, when the networks called my beloved Buckeye State for Obama and my stress and anxiety just lifted. Greatest moment of my political life, really. Can't compare it to anything but that buoyant, exhuberant feeling we all felt on New Year's Eve, 1999. World Celebrates Joyously. I'm not from the 60's and maybe I don't get it in that way, but I know that it feels like The Next Chapter in American History, and I am thrilled.

C'mon... you all know that was the moment he won. OH! IO!!! And then, that golden moment, 11:00 eastern, when they started calling Obama President-Elect.

What a night. Will any of us ever forget November 4th, 2008?

A hearty toast to the Obama Campaign. Obama showed up in Ohio. He came here many times, sent Vice-President Elect Joe Biden many times, opened dozens of field offices, and sent the hardest-working and coolest campaign staffers in the world to our state. As much as Ohioans want to take credit for this victory, it all goes to the Obama Crew. It was so wonderful to get to know each of you through these months, and I hope of course that you all go off to fabulous jobs and get everything you ever wanted. But first and foremost, thanks for showing Ohioans the power of community organizing. I am so proud to have volunteered and worked for this campaign. We have all learned so much from the Obama people in town, and we will miss you, and we thank you.

Yes, We Did! And we will continue behind our new President-Elect. Barack Obama. If you'd have told me that, back in the wrist-slashing days of November 2004, that in four years we'd elect our first African-American president in a landslide, I'd have thought you were well deep into your meth and Daily Kos addiction.

Can you believe it? Pinch me, Ohio!!

P.S. Like most Cincinnatians, I am rather shitty-hammered right now. :-)

And I miss you when you're not around
I'm getting ready to leave the ground

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

Time...time...time...time...time
Won't leave me as I am
But time won't take the boy out of this man

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
Oh you look so beautiful tonight
Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

- U2, "City of Blinding Lights"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Obama

Don Draper Rules My World

2008-10-28T15:33:00.014-04:00

I know unemployed people aren't allowed to have

cable, but until they find out, I'll continue

to watch "Mad Men" on repeat, any old time.

What I wouldn't give, to have been a Swingin'

'60's Manhattan bartender, catching Betty during

that scene in the bar manager's office. Everyone

should go have a Gimlet. Immediately!

These people are just awful, which, of course,

makes them so fun to watch. Best Show Ever.

Well, at least since "Six Feet Under."

Edit: Bloggered! Sorry this post looks so weird;

must be the video embed?

'Cause you're my fella, my guy

Hand me your Stella and fly

By the time I'm out the door

You tear me down like Roger Moore

I cheated myself

Like I knew I would

I told you I was trouble

You know that I'm no good

Amy Winehouse, "You Know I'm No Good"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Mad Men

Your Friends And Neighbors

2008-10-19T15:44:00.004-04:00

Update: Apparently, WKRC has removed the YouTube video posted above. Via comments (thanks, Ed!), you can still view the video here.

Another Pleasant Valley Sunday
Here in Status Symbol Land
Mothers complain about how hard life is
And the kids just don't understand

- The Monkees, "Pleasant Valley Sunday"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Obama

I Read The News Today, Oh Boy

2008-10-13T15:39:00.014-04:00

Just a short post to inform my devoted readers (all five of you!) that, like so many Americans, I have just lost my job.

Kicked to the curb. Out, damn spot! Job? Eliminated. It's not your fault, the economy sucks, so no hard feelings, OK? We shall manage the place all by ourselves, thank you very much. Oh, wait, there was no thank you... just a sort of unceremonious dumping.

When I feel a little bit better about heading for the unemployment line, I'll write up all the sordid details for your entertainment! But in the meantime, if you know of any restaurant, hotel or tavern owner looking for a kick-ass manager who delivers results, please drop me an email. Indulge me in this one thing... my resume is rather stellar.

I got a job waitin' for my graduation
Fifty-thou a year, buys a lotta beer
Things are going great, and they're only gettin' better
I'm doin' all right, gettin' good grades
The future's so bright
I gotta wear shades

- Timbuk3, "The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades"'

/snark /irony

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending

Early Voting Begins in Ohio

2008-10-01T19:16:00.007-04:00

Very good article in the Enquirer, terrific photos, too.

Hundreds voted early; Democrats' efforts apparent, GOP loses on same day registration/voting

Get out there and vote, Buckeyes. If you think you might have to work on Election Day, or you're concerned about limited time and long lines, Plunderbund has great info on how to vote early here, and here. If you've never registered to vote before, you still have until Monday, October 6th to get that done. You can even go to your county Board of Elections, resister to vote, and then vote that day, up until October 6. If you're just now starting to think about the election and have never registered to vote before, it's never been easier. .. but you are running out of time, so go register! You can find information from the Ohio Secretary of State here.

The whole country is watching us, again, and not really in a good way. C'mon Buckeyes, you don't have to wait to vote. The rest of you should come to Ohio and lend a hand. :-)

Scarface you were out of place in Ohio

Too bad you were out ahead and you're slowin'

You were feelin' like a bomb without a target

Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba

Look out Joe I think the sky is fallin'

Seems that all the clouds have turned to stone

I'm callin' you from somewhere deep in Ohio

The Jayhawks, "Somewhere in Ohio

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Ohio, Vote

Silly Season

2008-09-11T02:47:00.032-04:00

Every four years, just as the leaves begin to turn and that crisp, cool autumn air wafts into the bar, thoughts turn from NFL Sunday Ticket to the Presidential Election.

Even though you always hear that "you're never supposed to talk about politics or religion," both are in actuality common topics of discussion among barstool occupants. I wasn't blogging during the 2004 Election, but it was every bit as heated and tense back then. This is Ohio, after all, and we get a little spoiled, what with all the electoral attention.

Tonight, we had CNN on in the background as Sarah Palin's airplane touched ground in Fairbanks, Alaska, and everyone in the bar was just glued to the television.

You would have thought we were watching a moonshot.

One rather annoying drunk woman started screaming "PALIN! DRILL BABY DRILL! I LOVE HER!" while everyone just stared at her in utter silence. Usually, you'd expect bar patrons to laugh, or maybe even engage her, but they were quiet, and mostly curious, kind of like they were visiting some kind of surreal zoo. You could have cut the air with a knife.

She stiffed me on her $27.00 tab, and we never once talked politics! Oh, except for that one time when she was ordering JagerBombs and, apropos of nothing, she blurted out to my coworker "I'm sick of people telling me they're voting for Obama because he's black!!" and I said, out of turn and kind of meekly, "I've never heard a single person ever tell me that, not even once." So that's probably why we didn't earn a tip; my coworker is still pissed at me for saying anything at all. Everyone has their reasons for not tipping, though, so this is purely guesswork on my part.

Are sports that different from politics? To many, politics is a Skins-Vs-Shirts pick-up game. Hence all the "WOOOOOOT" and "YEEEAAAAH" and "SUCK IT!!" shouting, irregardless of ideology.

I shit you not; this is the song that was playing on the jukebox as Palin, a finalist in "Who Wants To Be America's Next Commander-in-Chief Idol Dance Crew Star" was giving her speech which I can now recite in rote replete with Fargo accent; have I ever told you guys how much I love impersonating regional accents?

I would kill at parties! Email me, I need the money.

(By the way, did you know that "American Woman" isn't about a woman at all; it's about Americans fleeing for Canada while dodging the draft during the Vietnam War? Many thanks to the bar patron who pointed that out to me tonight, as the song played. Fascinating, and I certainly hear the song differently now, even as I type out the lyrics)

American woman, said get away

American woman, listen what I say

Don't come hangin' around my door

Don't wanna see your face no more

I don't want your war machines

I don't want your ghetto scenes

Colored lights can hypnotize

Sparkle someone else's eyes

Now woman, get away from me

American woman, mama let me be

- The Guess Who, "American Woman"

Edit: It's September 11. I've surprised myself that this is what I'm posting about today, of all the days on a calendar.

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending

LeRoi Moore, 1961 - 2008

2008-08-20T00:50:00.008-04:00

Photo from dmband.com

Horrible news. Really just awful, unexpected news that breaks my heart a little bit.

Rest in peace, LeRoi. Summers will never sound the same without you.

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, LeRoi Moore, Dave Matthews Band

Phelps, et al.

2008-08-17T03:10:00.019-04:00

One really cool thing that happened tonight... we made a spontaneous decision to shut the joint down as the 4x100 medley started. Not in a closing-time way, mind you. It's just that we cranked up the sound, told everybody they couldn't order anything for five minutes, and yelled to everyone else to pay attention, that we were all going to watch history.

I imagine this was happening all over the nation.

It was really quite thrilling! Guests, servers, bartenders, managers, culinary staff, staring at TVs and each other's reactions, everyone stopping to just enjoy something for a moment, bask in a little unity. It's fun to be in a public house celebrating these Olympics and the wonderful, uplifting feeling they're giving us; these kinds of moments are meant to be collectively shared. I love the way it makes the world seem smaller somehow, and, although it's fleeting, we can all feel just a little less cynical, and a little bit joyous.

How can you not get a kick out of the Olympics?

Before Beijing '08 is over, make it a point to get off the couch, and wander over to your favorite watering hole to take in the moments with strangers and friends. Build some memories. You'll thank me later.

Eight in '08 for the peerless Michael Phelps! It'll be easy to remember when Trivial Pursuit: Turn of the 21st Century comes out.

A toast to the 2008 USA athletes! It's a blast watching you, and sharing in your victories.

(except for maybe that part where the amazing Dara Torres makes almost all women feel lazy, inadequate and insignificant.)

Let us be lovers, we'll marry our fortunes together
I've got some real estate here in my bag
So we bought a pack of cigarettes, and Mrs. Wagner's Pies
And we walked off to look for America
Kathy, I said as we boarded a Greyhound in Pittsburgh
Michigan seems like a dream to me now
It took me four days to hitchhike from Saginaw
I've gone to look for America

- Simon & Garfunkel, "America"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Beijing 08, Michael Phelps, Olympics

Department of Talking Very Loudly In A Bar

2008-08-01T02:42:00.026-04:00

Overheard tonight, three women, one in an arm cast, giggling over their daiquiris:

"So, yeah, I had to go to the emergency room! But I didn't want to wait for hours, like you have to unless you're having a heart attack or something. So, I told them I was pregnant."

"What!!!"

"They take you right back that way! I mean, right back. Bam!! I had a doctor examining my broken wrist within minutes."

"But didn't they do a test!?"

"Please, they don't doubt you if you say you're pregnant. They only test you if you say you're not pregnant! They said I couldn't get an x-ray, but they still set my wrist and I just went to the Ortho the next day. I was out of there in an hour-and-a-half."

Oh, my.

This clever approach to being seen immediately by health care professionals in a busy emergency room would have never occurred to me. It's selfish and horrible and wrong and entirely evil, to be sure, but you have to admit, it's wily as all hell. One thing that keeps my job interesting is the neverending stream of shocking people describing their audacious behavior during cocktail hour.

I mean, come on now, you know you would've never thought of that.

I think we have an emergency
I think we have an emergency
If you thought I'd leave then you were wrong
Because I won't stop holding on
So are you listening? So are you watching me?
If you thought I'd leave then you were wrong
Because I won't stop holding on

Paramore, "Emergency"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, Emergency Room

Observation

2008-07-28T01:28:00.002-04:00

Bar customers with Southern accents say the word "fuck" in a way that makes me wish I were a better mimic. I absolutely love it. I am going to practice it.

Sorry about the July hiatus, everyone... hope you're enjoying your summer!

Carry-Out

2008-06-22T04:11:00.010-04:00

One of those things I'll never understand is the nightly guy, who, it never fails, around 2:00 am and pretty much crocked off his ass, implores the bartender to sell him carry-out beer. And not carry-out beer at the bar price, mind you, but at some mythical price of his own choosing. This kind of guest will negotiate and barter until he finally just gives up or his friends drag him out.

Arguing with drunk people is a very trying exercise, especially at the end of a long and busy night where the bartender has just about had her fill and the previously enjoyable customers are now to the point where they start commenting about your nice ass or ask whether your coworker is single while their date is in the bathroom. But it just kills me when they don't understand why you can't sell them a twelve-pack to go.

"Well, I can't sell it to you because we're not that kind of bar. You might be able to find that kind of bar, but even their cut-off is 1:00 am and you shouldn't be driving around pushing your luck anyway, so looks like you'll just have to make do with the buzz you already have. You'll thank me in the morning."

"Let's say you sold me a twelve-pack, c'mon. How much would you charge, you could do it, I've been a good tipper all night, you could hook me up." (Actually, he tipped $18.00 on a particularly annoying $132.00 tab of Jäger-Bombs, Miller Lite, Washington Apples and White Zin, so we all lost our patience at the precise moment he tabbed out.)

(Doing quick math in head) "$42.00. But I'm not going to sell it to you, and even if I were, would you really pay $42.00 for it?"

"You've got to be kidding me! You're ripping me off! Hook me up! Hook me up!"

"I'm actually pretty serious right now. But it's a moot point. No beer for you."

Here's the thing, party people.... you just gotta plan ahead. Make sure there's a twelve-pack of that crappy beer you've been drinking waiting for you in the fridge at home after a long night of drinking too much.

Isn't it funny... just when people get to the point where they've had one too many, they somehow feel an irresistable urge to drink twelve more?

I have cursed, bled and sworn
Jumped bail and landed up in jail
Life has often tried to stretch me
But the rope always was slack
And now that I've a pile
I'll go down to the Chelsea
I'll walk in on my feet
But I'll leave there on my back
Oh the words that he spoke
Seemed the wisest of philosophies
There's nothing ever gained
By a wet thing called a tear
When the world is too dark
And I need the light inside of me
I'll go into a bar and drink
Fifteen pints of beer

The Pogues, "Streams of Whiskey"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending

Department of Very Weak Bar Come-Ons

2008-06-18T02:14:00.016-04:00

Tonight from the front lines:

Tipsy (but not drunk) Guest: "I'm only here another night, let me take you out and you can show me the town."

Bartender (pointing at Tipsy Guest's wedding ring): "Maybe you should call your spouse and see if she'll Google up some Cincinnati maps for you! Or maybe you should just call her, anyway."

Tipsy Guest (not missing a beat): "Hey, I'm not married, but my wife is!!"

Bartender (not missing a beat): "Hey, 1961 called! It wants its Rat Pack pick-up line back!"

Much uncomfortable laughter ensues from Tipsy Guest's unfortunate coworkers. I think he might have been their boss.

To be fair... decent tipper, after all that.

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending

I Already Miss Sunday Mornings.

2008-06-14T23:23:00.011-04:00

I don't intend this to indict the service industry or its customers as a whole, but I was taken aback today when I attempted to discuss yesterday's sudden and shocking death of Tim Russert with my customers and coworkers.

With very few exceptions, the people I talked to did not know who Russert was, although a handful had heard that some random guy who used to be on TV died. After a few initial "Who?" responses, I made it a mission and just started surveying everybody I ran into at the bar. I was trying to personally debunk what was right before my eyes.

"Wow, Tim Russert, what do you think?"

"Who?"

"Tim Russert, NBC, Meet The Press? Died on Friday?"

"I guess. I don't know. Heard something about it, don't know who he is. But that really sucks."

It saddens me to offer this rather general but accurate characterization of the responses I received during my unscientific survey, but it surprises me as well. It's hard for me to understand how people could be so wholly uninterested in current events and the world that surrounds them to have never heard of Tim Russert. I have no idea what to make of it, but am curious if these same people will be telling me, later this fall, that they can't vote for Obama because he's a Muslim or refuses to say the pledge of allegiance or such other email spam crap garbage that dumbs us down and poisons our discourse, year after year after year.

If you've never heard of Tim Russert, I'm not so sure you should be talking about politics at all. It is such a shame that so many people never took a moment to learn something from him.

Sunday morning will feel very strange and unsettled and empty, won't it? Although he's been touchingly eulogized by many media figures, I'm not really sure it's sunk in, to be honest. He will be missed by people like me who so looked forward to those lazy Sundays, that steaming cup of coffee, and those challenging, sometimes squirmy interviews. The whole thing seems so unfair, because, especially this year, it was a joy and pleasure to watch a man so much more connected and important than I am appear boundlessly giddy while covering an historic election. The agony and pain his family must be going through just breaks my heart.

I'm not even sure I want to turn on my television tomorrow. I'm sure that there will be a warm tribute to him this Sunday morning, but I think the best way for me to personally remember him is to simply leave the TV dark.

Rest in peace, Tim. And I lift a pint to you. They say you were a big Springsteen fan, so...

I was eight years old and running with a dime in my hand
Into the bus stop to pick up a paper for my old man
I'd sit on his lap in that big old Buick and steer as we drove through town
He'd tousle my hair and say son, take a good look around
This is your hometown
This is your hometown
This is your hometown
This is your hometown

Main Street's whitewashed windows and vacant stores
Seems like there ain't nobody wants to come down here no more
They're closing down the textile mill 'cross the railroad tracks
Foreman says "these jobs are goin', boys, and they ain't coming back
To your hometown"

Bruce Springsteen, "My Hometown"

Technorati Tags: Tim Russert, Meet The Press, Cincinnati, Bartending

There Goes The King, There Goes The Big Number One

2008-06-12T14:29:00.007-04:00

Maybe it's the bartender in me, or maybe it's just the beer enthusiast talking. But there's something about the proposed purchase of Anheuser-Busch by InBev that just really, really bugs me.

InBev CEO tries to win over Anheuser-Busch shareholders, St. Louis

There's something so uniquely American about Budweiser that I can't imagine it being foreign-owned. The CEO promises no U.S. breweries would be closed, but color me skeptical; I just have this awful feeling that somehow this is going to shake down as a bad deal for workers. I certainly hope I'm wrong this time. And I might have to break my long streak and actually tune into CNN to find out what Lou Dobbs is saying.

On a lighter note, while looking for the lyrics to the Budweiser Jingle, one of my all-time favorites, I learned that Sonny & Cher recorded a song called "When You Say Love" written to the tune of the beloved jingle. It reached #32 on Billboard in 1972. You really do learn something every day... and I'd love to buy a Bud for anyone who can honestly tell me they actually remember the Sonny & Cher version!

Here comes the King, here comes the Big Number One
Budweiser beer is beer that's second to none
The King is calling, so loud and clear
There's only one Budweiser beer
When you say Bud you've said it all
When you say Bud you've said it all!

Technorati Tags: Anheuser-Busch, InBev, St. Louis, Cincinnati, Bartending

Now Hiring for Summer Employment

2008-06-11T01:59:00.025-04:00

Edited on June 12, 2008

I've decided to take this post down for reasons I imagine those who read it can sympathize with. I apologize for any confusion to my readers who read the original post, and those who did not. It revealed personal details about a coworker of mine, and I'm concerned that were this person to read the post, he might wonder why I did not ask permission to write about him. Please do trust that nothing in the post was hurtful; rather, it was full of concern and worry on my part and I've decided it really wasn't appropriate to write about in the first place. Of course I realize nothing on the internet disappears forever, but I felt the least I could do was to attempt to just, I don't know, take it back somehow, and reach out to the coworker in a far less public way.

Again, my apologies to everyone involved. Should you have any concerns after reading this edit, please feel free to email me.

And if you haven't heard the song below in awhile, or ever, you really should give it a listen. :-)

In this proud land we grew up strong
We were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail
No fight left or so it seems, I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my face, I've changed my name
But no one wants you when you lose

Don't give up, 'cause you have friends
Don't give up, you're not beaten yet
Don't give up, I know you can make it good

Though I saw it all around
Never thought that I could be affected
Thought that we'd be last to go
It is so strange, the way things turn

- Peter Gabriel with Kate Bush, "Don't Give Up"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending

Yes Is The Answer. What's The Question?

2008-05-31T02:37:00.018-04:00

Years ago when I embarked upon a "career" in making people happy, I had this really great manager who told me that the answer was always "Yes. What's the question?"

I'll never forget him. At the time I thought my manager was a walking-talking corporate bullshit Successories poster, and I rolled my eyes when he wasn't looking. Know what? I've used his philosophy of service ever since. Probably because he never required us to wear flair.

Tonight I listened to a guest tell me his story, entirely unsolicited while he sipped a cocktail, always turning around to check on his family, almost nervously. He, and his lovely wife and identical-twin daughters, were looking for a Cincinnati experience, a mini-trip involving a visit to a theme park and a Reds game and maybe the Zoo or Newport Aquarium.

They were on vacation.

They'd driven down from Detroit, and he told me that in only weeks, his job was being shipped overseas and this was a "last hurrah" moment for him and his family. He wanted to show them the kind of vacation so many of us took for granted when we were growing up. A little hotel, a few nights swimming in the pool, a day or two at the expensive theme park. When I look back on my days as a child, I thought this was the American Dream, my birthright. And I didn't even know it, I just swam and sucked down sodas and hoped to catch a fly ball with my pathetic glove, and upon return to the hotel, headed for the game room, begging my parents for tokens so I could play skeeball. It's called "being a kid, in America."

Something clicked in me tonight, as I listened to his story and strived to give him better service and make his family feel like.. well, as if I were welcoming them into my own home, honestly.

I'm worried about us, and I hope so much that we won't slip into the chilly comfort of snark and despair. If you come across a sweet family, especially one with an out-of-state license plate, please say hello and engage them for a moment. Listen to them. We're all in this together, whether we like it or not.

I've learned more about our country and my countrymen in the past few months than I could have ever learned in years of Political Science and Psychology and Hospitality courses.

The key is to just listen. And hug. And serve. And probably hug again.

And say, "Yes." No matter what the question.

Give a little bit
Give a little bit of your love to me
Give a little bit
I'll give a little bit of my love to you
There's so much that we need to share
So send a smile and show you care
I'll give a little bit
I'll give a little bit of my life for you
So give a little bit
Give a little bit of your time to me
See the man with the lonely eyes
Take his hand, you'll be surprised

- Supertramp, "Give A Little Bit"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending

Good Gawd, People Are Getting Cheap.

2008-05-24T03:02:00.010-04:00

So, I've been away from the Tavern-wenching for a little while, and it's been more than fun to jump back into the world of mixing tins and sticky floors. I've not really been away from "the business," I've just been exploring another aspect of it. But I missed the front lines, and found a way to work it back in without sacrificing my career path, and I'm just thrilled to be mixing it up once again. Ha ha! I said 'career.' Ha ha ha!!

A few things have changed in the last year, most notably, people have become damned cheap. Gas prices have, like, doubled since the last time I did this kind of work, so it's understandable.

But here's a suggestion that's relevant no matter the time or economic situation: Tipping One Whole Dollar on a $30.00 tab doesn't represent the fact that times are tough out there. It only means you're a cheap-ass who should really consider buying a twelve-pack and spending the night watching American Idol on the Tivo. You can ignore your family in the privacy of your own home, you certainly don't need my help.

I even offered sparkling conversation and talked about Ken Griffey Jr. and avoided politics and everything. That ought to be worth at least another buck, right?

You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, how are you, good luck, but you don't mean it
When you know as well as me
You'd rather see me paralyzed
Why don't you just come out once and scream it
Now don't I feel that good
When I see the heartaches you embrace
If I were a master thief perhaps I'd rob them
And though I know you're dissatisfied
With your position and your place
Don't you understand, it's not my problem

- Bob Dylan, "Positively 4th Street"

Technorati Tags: Ken Griffey Junior, Cincinnati, Bartending

Coming soon...

2008-05-10T15:00:00.003-04:00

After about a year away from the front lines, I've accepted a summer assignment that will hopefully return me to telling all the stories about bar critters so many of you have enjoyed.

Thanks for sticking with me during my "wenching" absence. Something's up... watch this space.

She Grew Up In An Indiana Town

2008-04-22T23:19:00.006-04:00

Well, our long national nightmare has passed, and the Pennsyvania Primary is finally over.

Suddenly, Indiana just became the most important state in the union. The Hoosier State is but a stone's throw from here, and some of my dearest friends are Hoosiers, so I've thus decided that means I can see into the future and predict Hillary Clinton's campaign for the next two weeks there.

"I'm from Muncie. Bob Knight raised me. Breaking Away is my favorite movie... ever! I went on tour with Mellencamp, and I'm Peyton Manning's mom. Last Dance With Mary Jane? Yeah. That was written about me.

I really like sweet corn. I drove the Pace Car at the Indy 500. Chelsea and I sell limestone dolls and ginseng at a flea market in Metamora on the weekends.*"

I'm not sure if it's fascinating, or terrifying, to be living in a tri-state area with two primaries to go. One thing's for certain... two more weeks of shameless pandering and awful media coverage! Yay.

There's pigeons down on Market Square
She's standin' in her underwear
Lookin down from a hotel room
Nightfall will be comin' soon
Oh my my, oh hell yes
You've got to put on that party dress
It was too cold to cry when I woke up alone
I hit my last number, I walked to the road

- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, "Mary Jane's Last Dance"

*all props to Jon for the back-and-forth. Feel free to add on in comments!

Coyote Fugly

2008-04-12T01:34:00.013-04:00

Mostest Bad-Ass Bartenders EVER

So, this crap movie called "Coyote Ugly" just came on TV, and although I've dogged it many times before, I can't help but take another stab at describing its awfulness.

I'm watching the scene where the Ingeneu/Bartender who should be on American Idol soothes a savage, brawling bar crowd by picking up a microphone and belting (weakly) "One Way Or Another" by Blondie.

Cute scene and all, and girfriend saves the day, but wouldn't most bartenders, and I'm talking real-world here, finding themselves in the middle of a brawl, reach for the bottle of Galliano before grabbing some magical mystical microphone? Or maybe flip the lights for the bouncer? There are actual police officers in this scene, too, knoshing with the bar manager. Like that would happen... law enforcement in a drinking establishment and everyone just keeps on brawlin', weak-ass Blondie covers be damned. Peace be with you, and also with you, or something. I just don't get it.

"Cocktail" was more accurate than this. That's really saying something.

"Coyote Ugly" did get one thing right... yes, bartenders actually have a beer bottle that they spit all those shots you bought them into. Disgusting to be sure, but it's accurate, and the only part of "the business" that movie nailed.

This film is otherwise heinous and awful, it doesn't know shit about bartending, Tyra Banks gets a speaking role(!), and if that's not enough, the whole "Stop dancing and pour me a drink, I'm f'n thirsty" aspect ought to convince any bar-goer that under no circumstances should you devote 90 minutes of your life to this film, unless you're following the skyrocketing career of Piper Perabo closely.

Apropos of nothing, this song has been stuck in my head for days:

I was hell
Sarcastic silver swell
That day it rained
Tough spun
Hard worn
No ocean flower aquarium badlands
Give a hand
Honey dipped
Flim flam
Hey hey, hey hey
That cat can walk like a big bad man
So happy to show us
I ate the lotus
Say haven't you noticed?
I ate the lotus

- REM, "Lotus"

Technorati Tags: Coyote Ugly, Cincinnati, Bartending

Xavier Madness

2008-03-29T01:39:00.002-04:00

Well, that was fun!

I'm sure I'll earn the wrath of Bearcat fans by saying that I find it immensly satisfying to see Bob Huggins beaten, in dramatic fashion, by a local team. Not that he out-coached Coach K of Duke; you've got to give that victory to his players.

Thing is... I'm not a Huggins fan. Maybe that's because I was one of his favorite go-to late-night bartenders for so many years.

And that's really all I should say about that before I get myself into a local pot of boiling water.

C'mon, Xavier!

Starbucks Ordered to Pay $100 Million in Back Tips

2008-03-20T23:16:00.005-04:00

Deeeeeee-licious!

Oh, noes!!

Starbucks ordered to pay back tips

I owe a really long post about how much pool houses suck, and how much it sucks that salaried employees collect tips like they're a Soprano, but for now, a toast to the Baristas.

Now she's gone
And I'm back on the beat
A stain on my notebook
Says nothing to me
Now she's gone
And I'm out with a friend
With lips full of passion
And coffee in bed

- Squeeze, "Black Coffee In Bed"

Maureen Dowd gives me inappropriate visuals

2008-03-10T00:13:00.003-04:00

The inimitable blogger Molly Ivors covers Dowd territory far better than anyone, but please indulge me this turn at the Dowd Piñata:

The Monster Mash

"I was covered..." "I was splattered..." "I felt guilty..." "'It's on my ear,' he complained"... "Mockingly, plucking on his shirt..." "Not only on my face and hands, but all over the candidate's picture..."

All in the first few paragraphs, and she's writing about barbecue sauce.

It's hornier than "The American President" or "West Wing" fan fiction could ever have imagined.

One way or another, I'm gonna lose ya'
I'm gonna give you the slip
A slip of the lip or another, I'm gonna lose ya'
I'm gonna trick ya', I'll trick ya'

- Blondie, "One Way Or Another"

Technorati Tags: Maureen Dowd, Ohio Primary 2008, Molly Ivors

Late Winter Wonderland

2008-03-08T01:46:00.011-05:00

Covington, Friday night

It's March, but that's beside the point.

This line in a Cincinnati Enquirer article about the Great Ohio Valley Blizzard of 2008^TM really jumped off the page (emphasis mine):

The West Chester Kroger at Tylersville and Cox roads plans to stay open all night, says manager Steve Webb. Managers have already asked some staff to stay in the store break room overnight. They also plan to put some people up in local hotels to help keep the store open.

How do they decide which employees get to stay in the "store break room" tonight, and which ones get to stay in local hotels? Do they draw straws? Rock-Scissors-Paper? How much does it suck to be an employee at the West Chester Kroger at Tylersville and Cox this snowy March night?

Be careful out there, everyone. And go throw some snowballs.

Lookin' out my window, sometimes I wonder
Am I ever gonna get to where I'm gonna go home
Maybe tomorrow, maybe next summer
Girl, I just don't know
'Cause I'm snowblind, I can't see a thing
I'm snowblind, I don't wanna sing
I'm snowblind, need a familiar face
I'm snowblind, think I'm lost in space

- Kiss, "Snow Blind"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Ohio Primary 2008, Ohio Blizzard

Overheard

2008-03-01T00:22:00.016-05:00

Overheard at the bar:

"I wish Dubya was running again, just so I could vote against him."

Yes, America, Chris Matthews, Wolf Blitzer, political-glam-bloggers, Tim Russert, and even Maureen Dowd... this is Ohio. I wonder which way that dude will go? There are many like him, but I imagine you're a little too bored and caught up in your narrative to bother talking to him.

The story is on that bar stool right in front of you, Anderson Cooper. Put down the Cosmo (you just know he's a Cosmo guy and I mean that in the best possible, good-tipper way) and interview that dude, seriously.

I just watched an hour of Larry King interviewing Samwise Gamgee and The Nanny on the Ohio election, and I'm thinking, well, what the fuck? Who are these producers/bookers at CNN, and how can I tap into such a cakey, mindless, well-paying, let's-ring-up-the-D-List-because-who-really-gives-a-shit-we'll-talk-to-anybody-about-flyover-state-politics job?

I'm telling you, I would excel at that kind of work.

So odd to have been jealous, all these years, of Iowa and New Hampshire, only to find John McCain, Hillary Clinton, Mike Huckabee and Barack Obama knocking on the doors of my own back yard. In the now.

Isn't it whack, my fellow Buckeyes?

I've realized it really is true... if you live long enough, you'll see everything.

And, finally, Off-Ohio-Political-Maelstrom-Topic: Rest in peace, Mike Smith. And thanks to you and the lads for some timeless, and fun, words:

Now we gotta run, mmmm-mm-mm
No more time for fun, mmmm-mm-mm
When we're getting angry, mmmm-mm-mm
We will yell with all of our might
Catch us if you can, catch us if you can
Yeahhhhh

- Dave Clark Five, "Catch Us If You Can"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Ohio Primary 2008, Barack Obama, Dave Clark Five, Mike Smith

Radio, Radio

2008-02-17T17:21:00.014-05:00

Heads up, TavernWench readers...

I'll be appearing tonight on the most excellent Progressive Blend Radio to talk about the national attention Ohio is receiving in terms of our Primary Election on March 4th, as well as blogging and Cincinnati in general.

You can listen to the "More Me Show" hosted by DJ Downtown online here:

http://www.progressiveblendradio.com/

My segment should appear between 6:00 and 7:00 pm tonight, but please listen to the entire show. It's hosted by "anonymous" DC Insiders and I'm intrigued by what they think of Ohio's role in the presidential race, and Cincinnati's role in particular. Tune in!

I was tuning in the shine on the light night dial
Doing anything my radio advised
With every one of those late night stations
Playing songs bringing tears to my eyes
I was seriously thinking about hiding the receiver
When the switch broke 'cause it's old
They're saying things that I can hardly believe
They really think we're getting out of control
Radio is a sound salvation
Radio is cleaning up the nation
They say you better listen to the voice of reason
But they don't give you any choice 'cause they think that it's treason
So you had better do as you are told
You better listen to the radio

- Elvis Costello, "Radio Radio"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Ohio Primary 2008, Progressive Blend Radio, Barack Obama ,Mitt Romney

Deep Election Thought

2008-02-16T15:20:00.011-05:00

Could John McCain's stump speech suck harder? I'm watching it now on CNN.

Ever notice how he either looks directly at the teleprompter, or reads from index cards only slightly better than Paul Metzler in "Election"?

Oh, and the content isn't any better than the delivery.

That's really all I have today. Thanks. :-)

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Ohio Primary 2008, John McCain, New Hampshire, LOLBears

I'm fine, how are you?

2008-02-09T16:54:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone....

Just a quick note to let my concerned readers know that I'm fine, alive and well! Just suffering from blogging-block, and getting a little too obsessed with the presidential campaign for my own good.

My little break is just lasting longer than I intended. I'll be back soon with more tales from behind the bar... promise. :-)

Thank you, Iowa

2008-01-04T01:16:00.000-05:00

Give it up for the indefatigable Obama Girl!

First of all, I dig the Iowa Caucus. Ohio and other big states get their turn to tell Americans what to do in the general election. Iowa forces candidates to meet barflies and livestock alike, to hang out, tired as hell, in living rooms and feed stores and corner bars and Maid-Rites. For, like, a year. So it's quirky, it's different, it takes more than five minutes. It's still like a Norman Rockwell painting. I can't imagine it any other way.

And this time, feeling the pressure of a judgemental, jealous nation, they blew away the pundit class by showing up, all diverse and multi-generational. It was an historic night, and Iowa showed killer chops, and put on a great show. We won't ever forget it. This feeling may be fleeting, so why not just pause and revel in its enormity? For one brief, shining moment...

Watching Obama's speech, I felt like it was Kennedy 1960. Sure, I wasn't born yet, but that's the point. It felt like a rendezvous with history, I could picture all of us in a newsreel, and as a keen observer of politics, I've never felt anything like that before. I'm misty-eyed, and selfishly pleased to discover I'm not nearly as cynical as I thought.

That was one beautiful family on that stage in Iowa. I could hardly believe my eyes. We are all a part of this.

Happy New Year!

Edit: A friend of mine said last night, "He sounded like Martin Luther Kennedy." Good one, Jon! I really can't think of a better way to describe that speech. :-)

Update, 11:20 pm, 1-8-09: Well, alrighty then. New Hampshire also picked Paul Tsongas, but no sour grapes here. OK, maybe a few, and maybe it's a midwestern thing. Maybe we're all just a little bit stunned. Chris Matthews looks stunned, not that it puts me in good company. I actually think I might get sick if I watch him for one minute longer.

A woman on the radio talked about revolution
When its already passed her by
Bob Dylan didn't have this to sing about you
You know it feels good to be alive

I was alive and I waited, waited
I was alive and I waited for this

Right here, right now
There is no other place I want to be
Right here, right now
Watching the world wake up from history

I saw the decade in
When it seemed the world could change at the blink of an eye
And if anything
Then there's your sign of the times

I was alive and I waited, waited
I was alive and I waited for this
Right here, right now

- Jesus Jones, "Right Here, Right Now"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Iowa Caucus, Barack Obama, New Hampshire, Hillary Clinton

Peace Out, 2007!

2007-12-31T15:10:00.000-05:00

Just a short, sweet post to wish you and yours a safe, peaceful and happy New Year!

The 2007 holiday season wasn't all that bad. For example, this year, the Bengals sucked consistently, and therefore didn't ruin Christmas.

I do love when New Year's Eve rolls around. The holiday hectic rush hits the brakes at midnight, and new beginnings are promised, accompanied by mirth and good will! What's not to love?

Something tells me 2K8 is going to be good... hopefully you're getting the same vibes. I'm hopeful this season, for the first time in far, far too long.

Since it's the first song I play every New Year's Day, it seems only appropriate to close with this. Happy New Year, everyone!

All is quiet on New Year's Day
A world in white gets underway
And I want to be with you, be with you night and day
Nothing changes on New Year's Day

- U2, "New Year's Day"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Bartending, New Year's Eve, U2

Holiday Bar Plug

2007-12-27T21:07:00.000-05:00

There are bars I enjoy, and bars I don't. There are bars I send my friends to, and bars I won't.

So here's a plug... Molly Malone's in Covington (in the old Jack Quinn's location) is one kick-ass hangout. Get thee there. They can pour a Guiness correctly, as well as a Half-n-Half and a Black-n-Tan. Killer draft selection. And, they pour a full-on generous serving of Tullamore Dew, neat. Never fails, and they don't care who you are. They just pour.

Hell, I'm practically a regular, a good tipper, but when I went in there all incognito, wearing my Tina Fey glasses, they still hooked me up.

This is your Irish Bar, Cincinnati. Well, ok, it's mine, but it could belong to all of us.

Cute, skilled, Irish-accented, authentic bartenders are just a bonus, like the icing, the flava. Stellar cocktail and wait staff. Yummy food. Well-managed. Kick-ass music on the weekends. U2 on the jukebox. Euro-football and rugby on the TV. You'd have to beg them to turn on CNN, honestly. Authentic Irish music certain weeknights. And Bluegrass!!! They consistently book amazing, local Bluegrass acts! Convenient to I-71 and I-75. What the hell else do you need?

It's rare when a drinking establishment can pass my pessimistic, white-gloved, in-the-biz critique. I'm sure any companions of mine are thoroughly annoyed by my ceaseless inspection of the process. Trust me, I would suck as a food and beverage critic. But, for what it's worth (and for the hell of it), this place passes with four stars, a thumbs-up, two snaps, and a circle.

They have their shit so squared away, you wouldn't know that they're new at this town, and you just don't see that happen so often. I've held my tongue on bars and restaurants that have let me down in Cincinnati, but I can't stop talking this one up. It's important to give a shout-out to excellent service and management workers, and just watching this staff inspires me to give even better service.

Molly Malone's. Covington. Be there. And no, I don't work for them. It's just that I enjoy going there because they don't let you down... they do it right, and consistently. Something you don't come across every day in this fly-by-night juke joint drinkin' town.

/fangirl barfly rant

Boy, stupid boy
Don't sit at the table until you're able to toy
Broken toy
Shout and shout, you're inside out
If you don't know, Electric Co.
If you don't know, Electric Co.
Red, running red
Play for real, talk and feel
A hole in your head
You won't shout, you're spoon fed
If you don't know, Electric Co.
If you don't knowElectric Co.
Two, three, four!
I can't stop
Useless is the castle wall
Useless is the metal wall
He's gonna jump

- U2, "Electric Co."

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Molly Malone's, Bartending, Irish, U2

John Edwards knocked up Jamie Lynn Spears!

2007-12-19T01:54:00.000-05:00

Or something like that.

Celebrity-Political-Gossip Mash Up O' The Week! And don't even get me started on that Huckabee kid!

It's getting weird. And increasingly banal, phony and stupid, and, thereby, quite entertaining.

You come on like a dream
Peaches and cream
Lips like strawberry wine
You're 16, you're beautiful, and you're mine
You're all ribbons and pearls
Ooooh, what a girl
Eyes that sparkle and shine
You're 16, you're beautiful, and you're mine

- Johnny Burnette/Sherman Brothers, "You're 16"

Technorati Tags: John Edwards, Jamie Lynn Spears, Bartending,
Nickelodeon

TV Land

2007-12-08T01:02:00.000-05:00

What Claddagh would look like, if it had a vibe

Photo Credit: makulitmakulit

"Three's Company" is on. Opening scene is at the Regal Beagle, where Larry is cozying up to a lovely woman sitting at a badass old-school rounded banquette. "Spend the weekend with me," he begs her. They don't know each other much. She squirms a little before saying, "But I'm an actress! I have to stay home by my phone in case I get a call."

It's difficult to remember what it was like having to wait by your phone instead of being able to carry it with you, isn't it? In any age, though, I'd bet sitting alone in an apartment, willing a corded Princess phone to ring, was preferable to spending a few nights in a sweetheart cabin with the likes of Larry. In that sense, we should all mourn the death of the Polite Landline Excuse.

You know, I always thought Jim the Regal Beagle Bartender had weak skills. Sure, he looks fierce standing in front of that quilted mauve back-bar panel, but I don't see him mixing up anything fabulous. Still, he's showing the world how it's done when it comes to wiping an ashtray, so I should really lay off.

Sigh. TV Land makes me feel older...

Coolest TV Bar Skills Ever Award goes to Isaac from the Love Boat, obviously. An attractive couple would perch at his Tiki Bar and order Mai Tai's, Isaac would reach under his bar and, **poof!**, present two perfect tropical cocktails, garnished with fruit, umbrellas and flowers. How the hell did he do that?!??

Love Boat Isaac is my Forever Magic Bartender Superhero.

Baby let's cruise, on from here
Don't be confused baby, the way is clear
And if you want it you got it forever
Just for a one night stand in bed
Let the music take your mind
And, just release and you would find
We gonna fly away, plan to go my way
I love it when we're cruising together
Music was made for love, cruising is made for love
I love it when we're cruising together

- Smokey Robinson, "Cruising Together"

Technorati Tags: Regal Beagle, Love Boat, Bartending

Happy Merry Happy

2007-11-23T17:21:00.001-05:00

Welcome to the Holiday Season, everyone... hope yours is wonderful. Me, I'm Grinchy, so don't expect too much from me. Bah!

Still working on that Mulled Wine recipe to share... tweaking, and after too much sampling, it gets a little tricky to write, don't ya know.

Be sure to stop by your favorite watering hole after your bargain-hunting. I'll be back soon!

Good Idea, Poor Execution

2007-10-27T02:55:00.000-04:00

Not to get on this kick again, but I'm kind of hungry, and remain so following my latest fling with Excellence in Frozen Convenience Dining. At least the "meatball" count is accurately represented on the package.

A word of advice, late-night freezer-grazers... avoid the Swedish Meatballs. The Grilled Chicken Paninis (in Club and Tuscan flavors) are much, much better.

Technorati Tags: Frozen Dinner

Greetings, Halloween Tavern Wench Costume Seekers!!

2007-10-25T20:20:00.000-04:00

If I wanted to make money on a Saturday night,
this is the last thing I'd wear.

This time of year, I get a ridiculous amount of Google and Yahoo! hits that reach a fever pitch right about now, and begin to fade off come November 1st. I can only assume they hit this blog while searching for "Tavern Wench" costumes for Halloween, aka "You Have Permission To Dress Like A Whore" day. Well, however you got here, welcome!! And thanks for stopping by while costume-shopping, and special kudos for wanting to be an old-school Tavern Wench, if only for a day.

Maybe I should enter the seasonal costume market? God, I could make a fortune... note to self for next October.

Halloween is really one of my favorite times of year, and a great time to get paid if you're working behind a bar. It's festive, it's chilly, the bands are great, everyone is dressed like a whore, and feeling super-generous. It's the perfect tip storm!! And honestly, you could do worse, in that slutty way, than a Tavern Wench costume. They're kind of cute, really...

When I first thought of the blog and the Tavern Wench theme, I was inspired by one of my outrageous former coworkers, who back in the day would wear this Tavern Wench get-up several times a year, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Monday Night Football, Easter, what have you, performing a trick where her boobs would accidentally-on-purpose pop out every time she leaned over. I'd just serve drinks and ring the bell every time the fellas threw the ducats at her. But I learned a thing or two from that delighful, fun-loving girl... like how to make a proper Washington Apple, for one (her fantastic recipe forthcoming in a future post, promise). And how to have a great time behind the bar, for another.

Thank God we were sharing tips. A toast to you, Shelly!! Cheers, my dear old friend!

So what are you going to be for Halloween? I'm flirting with the idea of Amy Winehouse... beehive wig, crazy eye makeup, fake tattoos, cigs and whiskey galore... my only fear is people might say, "Hey, why didn't you wear a costume?"

Happy Halloween, everyone! Go out, drink, make mirth, give treats, not trickery, dress scandalously, and tip generously!

Well, its a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heartstrings that play soft and low

- Van Morrison, "Moondance"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Tavern Wench Costume, Amy Winehouse, Halloween, Bartending

America's Team

2007-10-18T21:53:00.000-04:00

Oh, what the hell, I feel like a baseball rant. Watching the ALCS and rooting on The Tribe, because, you know, I'm from Ohio. It's hard for me to believe it's been 17 years (!!!1!!) since the Reds won a World Series, but I really have to feel for our friends up north. C'mon, Tribe!

I loved the Sox back in '86, when that ball rolled through Bill Buckner's legs all the way to, it seemed, Logan Airport. I mean, who didn't feel their pain? I've cheered for them ever since, and after they finally broke The Curse, I felt relieved. But parts of America that lay outside Quincy, Massachusetts haven't gotten over it yet. I can't swing a cat without hitting a Red Sox ballcap on a midwesterner these days.

I flirted with a temporary affection for the Dallas Cowboys when I was a kid and that Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader movie starring Jane Seymour and Julie from The Love Boat was popular, but I won't get fooled again. Even when they were winning, it just didn't feel satisfying. I had no connection to them, no childhood memories of dad holding my hand and guiding me through the crowds at Riverfront Stadium...

I never did get into the Atlanta Braves when they were hailed as "America's Team" (they were the only show on cable, so who could blame baseball fans for falling for them) and I'm not going to fall in love with Boston now.

Friends of mine returned recently from a trip to New York, including a trek out to Yankee Stadium. They met a young Yankees fan who made an impression on them, wearing a shirt that read, "Boston Sucks Caaahk." Or something to that effect, written phonetically in a Harvard Yard accent.

It was hilarious to me, I mean, I didn't even see the shirt and it killed me. Still, I'll always be a Red Sox fan (especially over the freakin' Yankees), but they'll never be #1 in my heart. That's a spot that should be reserved for your local childhood team, even when they're losing so consistently you wonder why they can't apply that kind of work ethic to actually winning.

As I post this, it's not over yet, even though Joe Scarborough (I like his show, but that warrants another explanation-post) told me this morning on MSNBC that he wasn't sure his "beloved Red Sox" could come from behind and win three in a row; he didn't know if they were, you know, capable of that. His beloved Red Sox. Really, Joe? It's exactly what I'm talking about, and I think it demeans the Red Sox more than a little to have everyone suddenly loving them, without knowing a damned thing about them. Their charm always involved being the underdogs trying to whip The Curse, but now, through no fault of their own, as a baseball fan, I'm feeling cursed by their "fans".

As if any of you are watching baseball anyway (TBS? What the hell, the NL playoffs don't even merit free TV anymore? What is this, hockey?), but that's why I feel as though I'm rooting against the Red Sox this time around, even though it leaves me feeling a little weird and guilty. Go Tribe! And good luck against those wily and entirely unexpected Colorado Rockies. You'll need it, Ohio.

Anyone know where I can get one of those Boston shirts my friends were talking about...?

Update 10/21/07: Hmmm.... Game 7! Joe Scarborough must have the vapors by now.

Update 10/22/07: Red Sox win! What the hell do I know?

Well I went back to Ohio
But my family was gone
I stood on the back porch
There was nobody home
I was stunned and amazed
My childhood memories
Slowly swirled past
Like the wind through the trees
Ay, oh, way to go, Ohio

- Pretenders, "My City Was Gone"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, World Series, Baseball, Joe Scarborough

Apropos of nothing...

2007-10-13T01:56:00.000-04:00

...I have acute insomnia, I can't stop screwing around with I Can Has Cheezburger Factory, and I can prove it.

Congratulations, Al!! I guess the Heathers won't be convinced you've proven yourself until you win a Tony Award or something, but, somehow, I have a feeling you're going to be just fine. :-)

And it's apropos of nothing
When he says his name is William
But I'm sure it's Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy

- Sheryl Crow, "All I Wanna Do"

Technorati Tags: Al Gore, Nobel Peace Prize, LOLCat

When September Ends

2007-09-30T23:03:00.000-04:00

Just a quick post to let everyone know that I'm alive and well!! I've been incredibly busy, I have a lot to catch up on, and I have some fun stories to share, once I get over this writer's block thing.

Terribly sorry I haven't been updating often, something I intend to correct in the future. Thanks for all of your kind notes, and especially the funeral floral spray and "well being" police check that one of you sent...

I'll be back soon, and promise to update more often than Riverbend. Promise!!

Oh all the days
That I have run
I sought to lose that cloud that's blacking out the sun
My train will come
Some one day soon
And when it comes I'll ride it bound from night 'til noon

- Mike Doughty, "Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well"

Good Times

2007-08-09T20:50:00.000-04:00

Sean Hannity Freedom Concert - Kings Island - Tonight

I couldn't agree more about rallying for the troops. But, I can assure you, I've had way more fun at Timberwolf (Tears for Fears, Howard Jones, and Midge Ure, hellooooo) than these poor folks are having listening to Lee Greenwood in this freakish, soupy heat, right about now.

Update: The Enquirer has a story about the Freedom Concert here; the show drew a crowd of 10,000. While the cause, providing scholarships to the children of our fallen military, is excellent, I just don't care for jingoism at concerts. And I especially wouldn't enjoy listening to Oliver North, who once coordinated the covert sale of weapons to Iran, lecture me on patriotism and our nation's struggle against terrorism. Strikes me as pretty distasteful, honestly.

And do you feel scared
Well I do
But i won't stop and falter
And if we threw it all away
Things can only get better

- Howard Jones, "Things Can Only Get Better"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Freedom Concert, Midge Ure, Bartending

Champagne Wishes, Caviar Dreams, and Jackass Behavior

2007-08-02T11:22:00.000-04:00

This is a fascinating article from yesterday's New York Times. I must say that in all my years of bartending and working in the restaurant industry, I don't think I have stories of drunken, misbehaving patrons to rival any in this piece. Which, given the nature of this blog, makes me a little sad.

Fine Diner to Riffraff: Tipsy Tales of 4-Star Benders

Here's a taste; the last, brutally honest paragraph made me chuckle:

Jean-Luc Le Dû, a sommelier in the restaurant, looked in that direction, too. And he saw her: the woman making like a dancer on a pole at Scores.

She stood facing the rest of the dining room. First she took off a vest or a jacket, as best Mr. Le Dû remembers. Then she went to work on her blouse.

Just as she was getting to her bra, the maître d’hôtel got to her. Thus her drunken, wobbly stint as a stripper ended, and so did her dinner. She and her date, a smiling, sloshed man who had seemingly egged her on, were escorted to the door.

“She was not necessarily attractive or young, so it was disruptive,” complained Mr. Le Dû, who left Daniel several years ago and now owns a wine shop in Greenwich Village. “If she were beautiful, it might have been different. People might have been cheering her on.”

I encourage everyone to read the entire piece... for the mental images of rich drunken debauchery if nothing more.

Well, you went uptown riding in your limousine
With your fine Park Avenue clothes
You had the Dom Perignon in your hand and a spoon up your nose
When you wake up in the morning with you head on fire
And your eyes too bloody to see
Go on and cry in your coffee
But don't come bitchin' to me

- Billy Joel, "Big Shot"

Go See Will Hoge

2007-07-31T23:40:00.000-04:00

Will Hoge with The Lonely Hearts
Thursday, August 2nd, 9:00 pm
Southgate House - Newport, Kentucky
$10 advance, $12 day of show

For those of you wondering about the future of this blog, well, I'll have a post about that soon.

But, more importantly, go see Will Hoge!!

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Will Hoge

Bitches Ain't Shit

2007-06-26T23:26:00.001-04:00

Just back from the Ben Folds/John Mayer show at US Bank Arena, or, as locals call it, the Coliseum.

Very excellent show. I've never seen so many asses in their seats for an opener, but for Ben Folds, everybody showed up. He sang his cover of Dre's "Bitches Ain't Shit," took a vote, and sang it again by popular demand. Now, that's rock and roll, getting an entire arena to sing "Bitches can't hang with the streets" in perfect, homogenous harmony. I found his entire set to be deliciously subversive.

John Mayer was great. Seriously. In fact, everyone gives the kid a hard time, but the boy can play him some guitar. It wasn't the second coming of a young Eric Clapton, but it was an inspiring show, one of the best arena shows I've seen. Of course I have a few observations:

A) Beer isn't that pricey. $5.50 for Harp, on draft!!! You really can't bitch about Harp on draft for $5.50.

B) The sound is muddy at US Bank. It's not bad, but it isn't great. It's just dull and subdued. Something's wrong. Either that or my memory fails me as I remember my ears bleeding at Van Halen concerts of yore.

C) One can still smoke at concerts, in Ohio. You have to go outside, but there's a designated area. Unlike Reds games (outside) or Bengals games (outside). Surprised me, smoking ban and all.

D) Out of the kindness of my heart, and a good buzz, I offered the chatty, adorable teenage girls next to me a sip from my beer. They acted shocked, and it made me feel dirty. When I was their age, I would have chugged the cup like Rusty Griswold and handed it back empty. Times have changed.

Sorry about the summer hiatus/writer's block, readers... I'll have more to contribute soon. In closing, it would be rude to end this post at its natural conclusion, with the lyrics from "Bitches Ain't Shit," brilliant as they are (do download the magnificent Ben Folds cover). But here's some John Mayer, and, I get what he's saying and all, and he plays the shit out of it, but, for what it's worth, I hope his generation stops waiting, and starts voting. Update: Well, that's encouraging!!

Shorter John Mayer Concert Review:

"But boy, could he play guitar. "

It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
'Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's not that we don't care,
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

- John Mayer, "Waiting On The World To Change"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, John Mayer, Ben Folds, Bartending

Procrastination

2007-05-20T04:36:00.000-04:00

Insomnia and putting-things-off has got the best of me again. The Preakness has come and gone, without me posting this simple yet absolutely delightful drink recipe given to me by a friend from another board (thanks, wayper, my lone friend in Lynchburg, Virginia, who apparently (proximity, maybe?) knows much about Maryland potables). I've modified his drink so that you enjoy it one-at-a-time, while retaining it's crazy-delicious qualities.

Hopefully you're in possession of ice, a basic bar set-up, some fruit, and a DVR. Mix this cocktail, and watch the Preakness all over again, on a lazy Sunday.

The Black-Eyed Susan

1 oz Vodka
1 oz Light Rum (Bacardi vs. Myers Dark, for the non-Rummers in the house)
1/2 oz Triple Sec
Splash of Orange Juice
Splash of Pineapple Juice

Build on ice, shake vigorously with bar tin, and garnish with modified flag (lime and cherry)

As an aside, horse racing still fascinates me, but it's not as big as it was when I was a kid. Was there just nothing else going on, those late spring Saturdays of my early childhood? Horses used to make the cover of Time Magazine and shit. Steve Cauthen was bigger than Paris Hilton (and every bit as "troubled.")Now, it seems, horseracing just isn't a big deal anymore. I still get excited about the Triple Crown (the most elusive title in all of sport) when nobody else seems to, but then again, I'm giddy whenever I come across Breyer model horses at the flea market.

At any rate, a belated toast to Curlin, 2007 Preakness Winner and Triple Crown Spoiler - 29 years and counting.

Beat-up little seagull on a marble stair
Tryin’ to find the ocean, lookin’ everywhere
Hard times in the city, in a hard town by the sea
Ain’t nowhere to run to, there ain’t nothin’ here for free
Hooker on the corner waitin’ for a train
Drunk lyin’ on the sidewalk sleepin’ in the rain
And they hide their faces
And they hide their eyes
’Cause the city’s dyin’ and they don’t know why
Oh, Baltimore
Man, it’s hard just to live
Oh, Baltimore
Man, it’s hard just to live, just to live

- Randy Newman (Nina Simone!), "Baltimore"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Drink Recipes, Preakness, Bartending

Drinking Liberally

2007-05-01T14:12:00.000-04:00

Hey Cincinnatians!

The good, good people at the local Drinking Liberally chapter are holding their first Cincinnati Straw Poll for the 2008 Democratic Presidential Nomination next Tuesday, May 8th at 8:00 at their usual digs, The Comet in Northside! Head on over for some straw polling, followed by some drinking of cocktails through straws, I imagine.

Now, I happen to think Drinking Liberally is one of the great all-time concepts. Just folks getting together weekly, meeting others of similar political tastes, chatting about current events and getting boozy. Who couldn't love that? If you're not in Cincinnati, be sure to find your own local meetup at the national Drinking Liberally website:

http://www.drinkingliberally.org/

Have a great time tonight, and may the best straw win! Heh.

When the president talks to God
Are the consonants all hard or soft?
Is he resolute all down the line?
Is every issue black or white?
Does what God say ever change his mind
When the president talks to God?

- Bright Eyes, "When The President Talks To God"

Ryan Freel's Dirty Shirt Night

2007-04-21T02:09:00.000-04:00

Best promotion ever. Yeah, Reds!! Delightfully creative, and really brought out the crowds on a gorgeous spring Friday evening.

My night at the ballpark: Seventh inning, pretty dull game with Phillies starter John Lieber holding the Reds to a one-hitter. I've had a few beers, and I'm hungry, craving some nachos, or maybe a Skyline coney, so I'm thrilled when I discover the Skyline booth offers both ~~horrible foods one gorges oneself on while watching baseball~~ delicious items.

After an interminable wait, I reach the counter. "I'd like two Skyline coneys, with mustard, no onion, and the nachos... you serve the chili on top of them?"

"No ma'am. You can have nacho cheese, salsa, and jalapenos."

"But you've got the chili right there. And the shredded cheddar. Is it an option?"

"I don't think so. (sidetalk with supervisor) No. Absolutely not."

"Absolutely? Absolutely not?"

"Yes."

(For some reason, I find this hysterical.)

"Two Skyline coneys, with mustard, no onion, then. And the nachos, no jalapenos."

"You can get your mustard over there, we don't have it," he explains to me.

"Fine."

"$12.50."

Two teensy coneys and one inexplicably chili-free order of nachos costs $12.50 at the ballpark these days.

Other culinary notes, I didn't order any of these: Skyline 3-Way: $9.00. Fried Twinkie: $7.00 (!!!). Sam Adams 12 oz: $6.25. Miller Lite Plastic Pounder: $7.00. Your Major League Baseball experience on Ryan Freel's Dirty Shirt Night: Priceless, or so I'm told.

The food and beverage cost at baseball games is out of control, and I can't imagine how a family could afford a night at the ballpark these days. Was it this expensive when I was a kid, too? How did my dad ever afford those outings, let alone those souvenir red-dyed lucky bunny rabbit feet I'd beg for? I don't think the vendors sell those anymore, by the way.

My favorite moment tonight, outside of the stunning Reds victory in extra innings, was a beer vendor from our aisle, checking ID's. "That's funny, you don't look Hawaiian," he quipped.

Now that's a line I wish I'd thought of myself. I think I'm going to rip it off.

With that in mind, and as a weird coincidence, I lift my plastic, warm $7.00 beer to the late, great Don Ho, and one hell of an under-appreciated tune.

Tiny bubbles in the wine
Make me feel happy, make me feel fine
Tiny bubbles make me warm all over
With a feelin' that I'm gonna love you till the end of time

So here's to the golden moon
And here's to the silver sea
And mostly here's a toast
To you and me

- Don Ho, "Tiny Bubbles

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Cincinnati Reds, Ryan Freel, Bartending

You're Cut Off

2007-04-09T22:56:00.000-04:00

I'm sure many of you have seen the recent news coverage of the Chicago bartender who was beaten by a patron in her bar, when she refused to serve him. It got me thinking about the customers I've refused to serve, and I became a bit frightened. What bothered me the most about all of this, actually, was that nobody else in the bar seemed to stand up, take on the attacker. That's not been my experience with regulars, so it seemed all the more bizarre.

Bartender in police beating video says she's still scared

I'll bet. I'm not sure I could return to work, honestly.

I'll never forget this one kid, maybe barely 21, elegantly wasted in his eyes, begging me for another drink. Refusing him service was a no-brainer, but he had accomplices. His friends were sneaking him beers, and kept sending him up to the bar as some kind of frat joke. It was annoying, and obvious. But that's the worst I ever had, just annoyed, just embarrassed for drunk people. ~~You've~~ we've all made damned inebriated fools out of ourselves, but I've never had anyone get aggressive on me.

I feel lucky. I've been hassled, annoyed, jostled; I've even clutched a bottle of Galliano in the midst of a bar brawl (behind the natural barricade that the bar provides a girl, mind you), but I've certainly never been beaten by a customer. Bartending can be a dangerous job, and I'll bet they never promote that aspect when begging you to call 1-800-BARTEND for training.

A toast to Karolina Obrycka, one bad-ass bartender in Chicago. I wish her the best, and I'm a little worried about her.

Left a dog and took his life
Left a pale mistress and a paler bride
Left it all, gave it away
I didn't owe you anyway
To me you were strange
But it's as good as any day to dirty the clean slate
But from the knife I shall refrain

- Wojo, "You In His Eyes"

Technorati Tags: Chicago, Chicago Bartender, Karolina Obrycka, Bartending

Welcome! I've saved you a barstool.

2007-03-21T19:01:00.000-04:00

I'm not a doctor, but I play one behind the bar. Actually, in that sense, I'm more like a nurse.

I'd like to take a moment to greet all the new readers who have found my little blog, either through the Cincinnati Magazine article in the April 2007 edition, or the very nice mention in CiN Weekly. Welcome! May I pour you a cool, refreshing, delicious cocktail?

It's been my Golden Rule Of Blogging that quality is more important than quantity, so this isn't by any stretch a daily blog. I'm in the business of telling stories, and they make themselves apparent in a way in which I can't control; therein lies the beauty, the unexpected, amazing tale from a stranger. In fact, sometimes when things around the bar are really slow, it's not even a weekly blog.

Some posts are more memorable than others, so I've linked to a few of them below. They're either posts I've received many nice emails or links about, or more "controversial" posts, often related to the tipping habits of patrons, which inspired a flurry of action in the Comments section. :-) There's so much more in the archives, but at the very least, these posts will give new readers a little taste of what they're in for!

The Ten Minute Gimlet

A Creamy Orange Martini for a Warm Spring Evening (includes a link to some of my more popular drink recipes)

On The Rocks

The White Russian Bible

A Whore Named Katrina

"May I speak to the bartender?"

Semi-Famous Radio Gasbags Behave Poorly In Public, Too.

2006 Food Blog Awards

Rude

The One Where the Owner's Daughter Gets Hit On

Am I a glorified beggar?

The Snowy Seven Hills

Bronson Arroyo Is Hot All Over Again

Ice Storm

You ask "Can we transfer the bar tab to our table?"

In closing, I hope you've enjoyed yourself in my little corner of the blogosphere, well-represented by Cincinnatians. I hope you'll take a moment to read through the Tavern Wench Archives, and, if you're local, please be certain to click on the excellent Ohio and Northern Kentucky blogs linked-to under "I'm callin' you from somewhere deep in Ohio." And, here's a special shout-out to Cincinnati Magazine's Brent Donaldson. He's a gem!

I'll leave you with Three Tavern Wench Rules: Always be nice to the bartender; never, ever, ever transfer your tab to your table; and be sure to end each post with a song lyric. :-)

Cheers! I'm happy you're here. Please come back again soon.

I like a good beer buzz early in the morning
And Billy likes to peel the labels from his bottles of Bud
He shreds them on the bar, and he lights every match in an oversized pack
Lettin' each one burn
Down to his thick fingers before blowing and cursing them out
And he's watching the bottles of Bud as they spin on the floor
And a happy couple enters the bar
Dangerously close to one another
The bartender looks up from ~~his~~ her want ads
But all I wanna do is have some fun
I got a feeling I'm not the only one
All I wanna do is have some fun
Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard

- Sheryl Crow, "All I Wanna Do"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Drink Recipes, Bartending

A Toast To Local Bloggers

2007-03-08T22:13:00.000-05:00

I apologize for the dearth of posts lately; I took a little break, and nothing terribly interesting has been happening in the pub world. March Madness and St. Patrick's Day are on their way over, however, and things should brighten up after the traditional post-Valentine's lull.

CiN Weekly has a nice cover story this week featuring some of Cincinnati's brightest blogs and the people behind them, and it was a real joy to discover two blog-friends, Mike of The Naked Vine and Dave of Radio Free Newport had received such warm and well-deserved write-ups. It always makes me happy when good things happen to cool people!

I wasn't as familiar with the four other blogs featured in the story, but they're very good and I'll be visiting often; anyone who enjoys this blog would enjoy them, and especially the intriguing stories behind the people who write them. Some people may tire of the sometimes hyped coverage of blogs, but it's still where you can find some of the best, and certainly the most unique and niche, writing anywhere. It's a pleasure to find that the Cincinnati area offers such diversity and talent to blog-land. I've always felt this city had a small-town feel, and you're always running into somebody who knows somebody you know, so it surprised me that I hadn't visited many of these blogs in my daily, borderline-obsessive surfing. You really do learn something new every day.

I have to add that The Last Ten Days isn't just a great local blog/journal... it transcends the category. It's stunning, visually gorgeous, perfectly designed. There's so much content within the site that you could get lost for hours. That's my favorite kind of site, the one that sucks you in and devours your time.

It was very nice of CiN Weekly to fill my tip jar with a nice comment about my own little blog, along with ~~six~~ seven other local and excellent offerings, so a round of drinks goes out not just to Cincy bloggers everywhere, but especially to the staff of CiN Weekly for such a friendly nod to the Cincinnati blogosphere.

Now, I'm normally not a Mojito fan, mainly because they're a pain in the ass to mix in volume, but in preparation for the National Drinking Holiday known as St. Patrick's Day, I offer this appropriately colorful, Mojito-esque alternative to the dreaded green beer. It's a little complicated, but a snap after you make one or three.

Monsieur Yoshi

Fresh lime wedge
8-10 Mint Leaves
Splash of Rose's Lime Juice
1 teaspoon cooled symple syrup
1 1/2 ounce Grey Goose vodka
1/2 ounce Midori melon liqueur
Club Soda

Scoop out the pulp of a lime wedge and reserve. Rub the rind of the lime wedge into the lower third of a pint glass and discard. Add the mint leaves, lime pulp, Rose's Lime and simple syrup. Muddle the ingredients until the leaves have fully released their aroma. Add one level bar scoop of ice, followed by the the Grey Goose vodka and Midori melon liqueur. Add more ice if necessary. Shake the contents with a tin, and pour into a large highball glass, just below the rim. Float the club soda on top, and stir gently, trying not to disrupt the fizz.

Have a safe and happy time Saturday, and may the luck of the Irish be with you all. I'd be foolish to miss this opportunity to quote a U2 song, one which happens to have been in my head all day long. Cheers!

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light, and to the day
To let it go
And so to fade away
To let it go
And so fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping
Oh no, no no

- U2, "Bad"

Technorati Tags: Cincinnati, Drink Recipes, Bartending

Tavern Wench

The Future of TavernWench

The Audacity of Dipshits

Most Interesting Thing That Happened Tonight

Haven't quit yet!

Gettin' back in the groove

Guess who's back in the muthaf'n house?

Best Bar In Cincinnati - It's On!

Happy 4th of July! Have Some Soup!

Twitter Is The New Blog

Dave Matthews Band - Riverbend - 6-16-09

Awful Waffle

I Heart Bacardi Ads

Department of Housekeeping

The Cig Tax

That's It - Vernon Manor Shuts Doors

Vernon Manor Closing

So, They Laid Off The "Cheers" Bartender

Greetings, Atriots!

Happy End of February!

Inauguration 2009 - The Blue Ticket To Nowhere - ***NOW, with PHOTOS!***

Happy Belated New Year!

Cincinnati Magazine - Where To Drink Now

Misc.

Job Search Update

Ohio For Obama

Don Draper Rules My World

Your Friends And Neighbors

I Read The News Today, Oh Boy

Early Voting Begins in Ohio

Silly Season

LeRoi Moore, 1961 - 2008

Phelps, et al.

Department of Talking Very Loudly In A Bar

Observation

Carry-Out

Department of Very Weak Bar Come-Ons

I Already Miss Sunday Mornings.

There Goes The King, There Goes The Big Number One

Now Hiring for Summer Employment

Yes Is The Answer. What's The Question?

Good Gawd, People Are Getting Cheap.

Coming soon...

She Grew Up In An Indiana Town

Coyote Fugly

Xavier Madness

Starbucks Ordered to Pay $100 Million in Back Tips

Maureen Dowd gives me inappropriate visuals

Late Winter Wonderland

Overheard

Radio, Radio

Deep Election Thought

I'm fine, how are you?

Thank you, Iowa

Peace Out, 2007!

Holiday Bar Plug

John Edwards knocked up Jamie Lynn Spears!

TV Land

Happy Merry Happy

Good Idea, Poor Execution

Greetings, Halloween Tavern Wench Costume Seekers!!

America's Team

Apropos of nothing...

When September Ends

Good Times

Champagne Wishes, Caviar Dreams, and Jackass Behavior

Go See Will Hoge

Bitches Ain't Shit

Procrastination

Drinking Liberally

Ryan Freel's Dirty Shirt Night

You're Cut Off

Welcome! I've saved you a barstool.

A Toast To Local Bloggers

Inauguration 2009 - The Blue Ticket To Nowhere - NOW, with PHOTOS!